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entry 57
name: Mastervivi
message:
Hi~~ Len, just read your new article, and I totally agree that honesty and trust is two VERY important factor of love. But i also believe compromising is very important in all relationships. This is probabily I do not believe in soul mates. I think true love comes when two people accept each other's differences, and yet still cares, trusts each other. Two people like each other by lust, which if you put it in scientific view's it's just hermone of two people reacting. (yes i know how unromantic when you put it in the "scientific point of view". But what happens when all the lusts goes away? when suddenly you realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were? when fone calls is not longer a suprise but a routine? When you noticed your bf/gf isn't crazy about you as before~ Will you still cares about your bf/gf the way you did? If you chooses yes~ the you have taken the first step of realizing what love truely is. Ever wondering why after people break-up, they hated the other half? in my opinion, for most cases it's because they finally see the true identity of their other half after the lusts have faded, and they simply could not accept whom they are, they could not bear the battle of acceptance. Finding true love between two people is a tough battle, but that's what makes love so beautiful~ so people, accept your bf/gf for whom they are, including your differences and things about them that you might not enjoy. Though I believe most of you are still experiencing the "lust" stage of your relationships. Lastly i would like to share a quote with you. " love is seeing each other's imperfections as perfection" oh~~ just a word on the "sex" issue~ this is a question for all the guys~ would you like your future wife better/worse because she is/isn't a virgin? Note: everything in this entry is MY OPINION~ feel free to argue/date against it ^___^ *mastervivi warming up for a good dabate*
date: 4:37 pm - Sunday,January 26, 2003

entry 58
name: Rams
message:
lol. hey ppls. interesting issue u have brought up here Gilainne, good work! lol. well let's see.... well i do have some things that i agree with and don't agree with. I'm sure anyone out there would agree that honesty, trust, and commitment are all very important factors to a lasting relationship. But I agree with Ronald also that sexuality should not purely be looked at as dirty and lustful. Lucy, it isn't purely hormones that set people to lust after each other... altho that can be also... and if it is so, that the couple are only interested in sex and nothing else, then i highly doubt they'd be interested in a lasting relationship anyway. There are people who just like to play around and learn things and just see what it's like... and u should respect people for their decisions to do so too, as it is their freedom of choice. As long as their partner is clear on their intentions, then no-one would get hurt. And Lucy, it doesn't always have to be "when all lusts goes away" that you "realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were"... that's a natural thing to discover when you get to know ur partner better... and it's a good thing, because if u overcome such things, then the relationship would be better. "when fone calls is not longer a suprise but a routine?" Well, i don't c anything wrong with fone calls becoming a routine... it's a natural human behaviour when one gets bored of routines. It's up to the couple to make it work again. when phone calls are getting too boring, then obviously it is up to the two to discover what each other likes best and to spice up the relationship again. A relationship is never a perfect fairytale... it takes effort to make it happen. and it can't happen with just one person. both the people must be involved together whole-heartedly. "When you noticed your bf/gf isn't crazy about you as before~ Will you still cares about your bf/gf the way you did?" well obviously, communication is important. If something has happened, the couple should always be able to talk abt it openly. if they aren't so crazy abt u as before... well, ask them y~ if they refuse to tell u, then obviously it's not a very healthy relationship. When someone breaks up, it's not necessarily "after the lusts have faded", no. sometimes u may just realise that the person u are with is no longer the right person for u... and no matter how much u want it, u'd just have to let it go. personalities can clash and cause terrible outcomes, and it's not always just because "they simply could not accept whom they are". If you are to truly accept ur partner for who they are, then u should accept everything abt them... and that includes accepting them physically. Sex is not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not saying to go out there and sleep with as many people as you please... no it's something that needs to be treated with respect. And it is respectable if the person saves themselves for their husband/wife. oh and Lucy, u forgot a question for all the gals: "Would u like you husband better if he was a virgin?". Virginity is a sacred thing, and should not be given away freely, i agree with Gilainne there... (just on a random not tho, wouldn't it be odd if two virgins got married, and then didn't know what to do? =P) And just back to the thing abt liking ur husband/wife more if they were virgin... well if the person loved their partner enough, and accepted them for everything... does that not include accepting them even if they weren't a virgin, and still love them just as much?
date: 9:48 pm - Sunday,January 26, 2003

entry 59
name: may
message:
very nice and well said might i add. i got this from somewhere and i reckon that its very true. When u decide to spend the rest of ur life with that 'someone', thats the person that without the passion or sex (commonly use) u still care for that someone. I think if relationships are based without passion it could last no matter what the out come because you would still care for that person. Where as passion, it might start sth exciting but it wouldn't last.
date: 0:20 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 60
name: Jacky
message:
love is love...in this world...not everything has absolute opposites...something is absolute...love and not love is the extreme absolutes...can be compare...but is not love already...
date: 0:32 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 61
name: xuan
message:
hey gilainne! =) cool site! umm... but if u dont mind me asking, what's the deal with all the love stuff? as long as u have ur friends n family with u, i dont see why someone cant be happy. Just my random comment guys, hope u dont mind =P anyway, did i say this is a cool site?
date: 0:42 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 62
name: taro bro
message:
good article about love but in some ways i guess all the talk is rather idealistic! Haha, didn' meant for that to come across as mean but I believe that under the influence of our emotions, these philosophies can get side tracked very easily and I believe that's one of the main reason we see so many break ups. I believe one thing that is important that u overlooked is the idea of compaionship... the experts say that "passion" love can only last about 10 years on an average, so in a marraige/love i believe that being able to respect and help each other out is rather important. I believe people need to learn to grow together in order to learn to love one another. Well, some of u might not agree with this but this is what i believe at the moment. As with the question whether a girl should lose her virginity to her husband or to her love... I believe that is a matter of personal choice. i believe that giving away ur virgiinity is something sacred and should be given to ur love and if it turns out to be ur husband and that's great. However, i don't see anything wrong with ppl having sex prior to marriage as they will experience "the pleasure" and find out what they like. I believe finding out what exactly u look for in a person is very important before making a commitment and i guess sex is part of it. But if u ask me if i will lose my virginity for the sake of the experience, I will have to tell you i don't know as I will see how the situation goes... And to the question from mastervivi... i would reply it doesn't matter to me coz it's her choice ... she might've come across someone special be4 me and lost her virginity there... i mean if something is going to happen between me and a gal, i only care for what happens when we r together and not her past but of course if she has done something sineful then i will need to take the history into consideration That's all from me for now ~ hope that is enough for our host Gilainne =P
date: 1:11 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 64
name: David L.
message:
OK, here's the my opinion: *relationship is necessary as life bring along. Having ppl to sharing ideas will explore the more than solo(as the word "efficient") *since everyone's unique and individual charater and we do have limit 'time' & 'energy' (in standard term), it's hard to manage good relationship with all the people those been contacted. So choose whom to build the relationship carefully (parents and some isn't optional, blame fate if those who believe it) and be nice to others (being nice to others highly indicate they'll be nice to you , exceptions excluded) * Sex is physcial, would gain pleasure while triggering the actions. It's part of physical life of those who MARRIED. To those who's not married, it's mostly just an exercise that will easily lead to the word "icky" (image having same sweets again and again). Feel like having a change by dump her/him? Find someone new to upgrade now? (Sorry, human isn't item as standard law) That's why marriage introduced to society to secure those people (mostly women). Sorry girls, you're the victims... * Method to maintain/gain a good relationship is numerous. Stop being odd is best idea, always upgrade ownself, by learning something new, having new ideas, gain more physcial appearance... and majorly, be honest and faithful (definition varies as individual) are the key factors.. OK, i'm done, thx to 'inform' me to post this, dinner time..
date: 2:26 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 65
name: Marcy
message:
hey gilainne!! awesome website... luv ur article abt luv, it's so true, i agree with your view, & the bit abt intimacy/sex is so true. i believe that they arent the same, u can be intimate wifout sex, hv any of u seen the new othello movie? (those of u in my eng class [6E Rm]last year will have), O and Desi were in bed naked, but they weren't doing anything, they just enjoy being close to each other. so there, intimacy can exist wifout sex! keep posting, i luv ur articles :)
date: 3:27 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 66
name: TiNa
message:
Hola Len, interesting points you've made abt love and relationships, but I just want to add sth. People like or at least attempt to belive unconditional love, but bluntly as it may sound, it does not exist. Picture this, something major changed abt their significant partner to when they had first known, (maybe even the reason they fell for them), will they be able to accept that? Then what would be the attraction? (mentally or physically) And what is love without any kind of attraction?
date: 5:34 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 67
name: Mastervivi
message:
*nod* *agrees with rams that lust is not entirely hermone reactions* but you have to admit it plays a big part~ it's the difference between admiration and liking someone~ this is MY theory of a crush=admiration + hermone reaction. Also on the note of "when lust goes away, u realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were" isn't always the case? ur significant other will always try to be perfect infront of you, that's how they attract you. But after time the acting fades, and then they return to their true form, no one is perfect~ so you WILL realize that they weren't as perfect as you thought they were. but i am not saying this is a bad thing~~ i was merely pointing out why compromising is so important in relationships. The "fone call" issure~~ not there's nothing wrong with that~ just that it used to be "oh~~ i am so happy that you called" and then it become a routine~ and if one day he/she doesn't call, wouldn't you feel sad/disappointed? in the middle of all these routines~ you are bound to feel sad or hurt. But if you and your partner work things out~ then your relationship is bound to last for longer~ and this could only work if two of you compromise~ ok ok~~ enough of my babble for today~ hehehe bye bye for NOW~ muwahahaha ^_______^
date: 5:47 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 69
name: Jay T
message:
Well, Virginity is not something we should all just throw away like that there is something special about it but some people value it less then others it is like food preference some like spicy some not some well, want to keep it some want to see what it is like to have it removed. Well, you know me, as well as most guys inc some ¡¨special ones¡¨ I betcha they would really want to know what sex is. sex is like if they hasn't had it yet, but they won't coz well honour issues (some guys still have gallantry in their blood) Some (but few).
date: 7:00 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 70
name: alicia
message:
yeah i agree with your ideas, especially the ones about virginity - being the greatest gift and opposites attracting. However I've heard other people talk about whether giving this "greatest gift" to your HUSBAND is really that important. Since divorce is so easy these days and so many couples are resorting to it even after being together for so many years, does this gift to your first husband count as the GREATEST gift even though later on you don't love him anymore? Does a signature on a piece of paper that "binds" two together (which can be easily broken by another agreement) really prove to you that your husband will be worthy? Or is this the same as giving it to the person you think deserves it... whether or not they're your husband? --- just some stuff i've heard.. thought i'd put it in here since it might be... relevant?
date: 7:42 am - Monday,January 27, 2003

entry 72
name: Jacques Lei
message:
I agree with all the stuff you talk but I am still too young to know what love is and how to appreciate it if I was to somehow stumble across it..LOL!!! I just hope that every one of us will someday experience it.. :) G'luck..
date: 4:14 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003

entry 75
name: william
message:
Thats some really deep stuff in your articles, Gillaine. Although I agree that intimacy can exist without sex (admittedly drawing from personal experience), it seems that a lot of people here are drawing a taboo on sex. Intimacy can exist without sex, but it exists more with. great site btw, keep it up!
date: 5:11 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003

entry 76
name: Robbie
message:
Regarding the relationship issue, I must say there is no point wondering or even talking about what a "perfect relationship?is like, because there is no such thing. Imperfection is what makes this world so interesting. We continuously strive out to make people and things better, however as you know some people and things cannot be changed. Since there is no "perfect human being?out there, this no doubt makes "perfect relationships?impossible. I mean I would love to have a wonderful and 100% relationship with a girl of my dreams, however, if that were to happen, life would become quite boring. In saying all that, the next comment shouldn't come as a huge surprise. I reckon a healthy relationship involves fights, arguments, jealously and lack of trust, together with all the other good facets. The only way to make each other fit perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle is to learn about each other's needs and wants, and how each person functions under particular situations. All the elements of a health relationship mentioned above will help. To hear a couple say they never argue, fight or have trust issues tells me they are the unhealthiest!As with sex, I have a slightly different view to what others have said, nevertheless I must say I had exact thoughts when I was younger. Now with a sore back and white hair covering my head (hehe jokes), my ideas regarding sex have changed dramatically. It is not a matter of whether the person you are going to do it with is your husband or wife, rather it has to do with whether you and your partner are ready and feel it¡¦s right. This implies having sex with your girl / boy friend is perfectly normal, so long as you two are committed in a long term healthy relationship. On the other hand to "waste your gift?is to have sex with someone who doesn't love you as much as you love him / her. Another way to "waste your gift?is by having sex with someone who you hardly know. So I think sex before marriage is fine so long as you and your partner love each other. Plus, I mean, for guys, holding off sex is virtually impossible these days with all the sexual connotations out there in the media. And thus would it be natural for guys to wait and wait and wait? No! Do what is natural, but in a healthy way. Additionally, sex shouldn't be seen as a bad thing! To learn about one's sexuality is extremely healthy - that is why we have sexual organs! Hehe. Finally, I will end my jibberish by saying this: true love is when you see the person and all you want to do is to be next to him / her, while sexual feelings are so distant that you don't even feel them. In a way this applies more to guys than girls. So girls, if guys feel "horny?for you early on, that means he isn't going to turn out to be a genuine lover. Ta ta everyone.
date: 5:40 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003

entry 77
name: quasar
message:
there are many reasons as too why ppl wanna have a relationship with someone else...some might be bcoz of peer pressure, showing off to their mates they have wht it takes. Or some might truely be looking for someone they can relate to, feel connected feeling loved and be loved. Whatever the reasons its too hard to find the right/perfect one in just one go...unless ur very lucky and if u do congrats...but go out there and explore, if ur current special someone isn't right for u then dump him/her...well not as blunt as that but yea...but always be true. I believe a good and lasting relationship only develops over time like relationships with friends, long time friends...who knows u might end up marrying one of ur best friends/friends whatever. As for sex, i kinda agree with u Gilainne, its like the ultimate form of love, and resevering it for "the one" sounds right...unless ur marrying just for the fun of it! But sex shouldn't only be reserved for husbands, if the feelings are right and its mutual between the both of u...then why not...it might strengthen whats already there...but ALWAYS BE TRUE!
date: 10:08 pm - Wednesday,January 29, 2003

entry 78
name: Willie
message:
interesting topics and deep thought in here, i fink its worth reading. About sex, i still cant understand y us, the males careing about girl's virginity so much... in my opion, sex will onli happen when both side like/luv each other (well....in most of the cases), if they luv each other y would they care about virginity? i fink its kinda sexism how woman r treated...
date: 0:59 am - Thursday,January 30, 2003

entry 79
name: Henward
message:
well, to my opinion relationship is a bond that only two people share, it is no uncommon to engage in a threesome but must be carefull, attachment is easy, and u must keep ur heart with one person, my opinion is that if u wanna cheat, dont get into a relationship, jsut sleep around, im not judging ppl who sleep around, its a choice, like a colour of hair, hairstyle, car, foods and music, sleeping around is a lifestyle choice that one chooses, but if you say to someone that u are theirs and they are yours...then make it that way, one day, someone will deceive you and you will feel the pain that the others feel... love is mind body and soul, and i think that to hve one you must hvae the other two, to feel absolute love, you must love the three aspects and without that, love is not love but either lust or infatuation... love is through the bad, through the good, and love is eternity even if ur not with that person anymore.... relatiosnhips can be an anchor or a propeller.... but which one is up to you to determine and how you live it....i choose mine to be a propeller and refuse to let it dampen my future and freedom....if it dampens yours.... then maybe you should consider the definition of freedom
date: 1:06 am - Thursday,January 30, 2003

entry 80
name: SillyCatSteven
message:
Presonally, i believe the key factor in a relationship is not trust, nor honesty ,nor commitment, and probably not love either. What a lasting relationship needs from both sides are the abilty to forgive, to know when to stop an argument and take a step back to cool off, and also the unwellingness to hurt eachother. All other factors (turst, love.....) grow from these or will come with time. i also want to point something out on the intimacy issue. i believe that intimacy/sex can be the same. It's like trying to classify shapes in maths. A quadrilateral may be a square in some cases, but quadrilaterals are not all squares. It's the same with intimacy. Sex may involve intimacy in some cases, but having sex doesn't mean intimacy has to be involved. i also believe that intimacy can exist whenever and wherever the couple allows it. Whether it's sex, a look, a smile, a special tone of voice, a quick squeeze of hand, a quick kiss, or even just the feeling of his/her presence... the list goes on. Finally... about "Love". i'm sorry, but i only have 3 words, "I Don't Know..." i thought i knew, but i fact i don't. A illusion was shattered. And maybe, later, i'll be glad for the delution to end... but not yet.. not just yet.
date: 5:19 am - Friday,January 31, 2003

entry 81
name: Logan - Trapped in Darkness
message:
Well done Gil! Excellente! I must agree on the many factors you have listed that are 'responisiblities' attached to that of a boy who wishes to be with a girl (or boy-boy, girl-girl depending on how your socialology works) that must be carried through inorder to succeed in a relationship. Although I must say in reality "teenage romance" doesn't really last that long yet there are some rare cases, most of the time teenages when they mature and grow up end up marrying someone else. Now true-love/love depending how you put it, I can't really say much on this 'cause frankly I'm still waiting for my turn and won't have a clue on what this is all about. Fate, soul mates, destiny ~ these words elude me now since I've grown to hate them because of events taken place which I shall not explain. This doesn't mean I won't eventually accept these terms ~ just have to get cracking to understand them better and acknowledge them. I have been reading this book "FALLING IN LOVE", don't ask me why, heck I don't even know ~ curious I guess. And it quotes "Falling in love is one of life's four great upheavals. We are born, we love, we have children, we die. Although only tow are inevitable (for love and children do not come to everyone) all of them are events of power and danger." Apparently as Gil you have quoted, love seems to not come easy and if you manage to hook yourself on, must agree to make an effort to make it work or else why else would you do it in the first place? (I'm specifically targeting a friend who mistook this idea and turned in some laughing joke matter) Pretty well done again Gil, keep it up and heck you may even write your own book someday and be worldwide for everyone to read.
date: 10:16 am - Friday,January 31, 2003

entry 84
name: TrunkzTheMighty
message:
My OFICIAL REPLY: I don't usually do this... but i decided 2, so bare with me .... i have defided my reply into 6 easy-2-follow replys 4 every paragraph Gilanne has put together SO BRILLIANTL! i would just like 2 say, gilanne, u write did a BRILLIANT JOB! i am really inspired (i got goosbumps) Paragraph 1 ur 1st paragraph makes a few good points 2nd paragraph once again, BRILLIANT!,i could not agree more with what u said there, but then we hit the 3rd paragraph and there goes ur whole story! "the spark" as it is revered 2 is the amount of flair u have in ur relationship, it is like a fire, if u feed the fire, it will b BIG!, if u don't, it will die out, ie, if u do romantic stuff or anything that will make the flame grow, DO it, or else, it will die, trust me, thats what happened 2 me, i did not pay attention 2 my fire and it DIED! but the spark i think ur talking about is a TOTALY DIF ONE! Paragraph 3 Giving eachother SPACE! that is important, don't b mislead by one another, don't let a nice lil picture b pulled over your eyes and just sit back while the world FLIES BY! it happened 2 me... i was "pussy whooped" and it was HORRIBLE, not 4 me, but 4 my friends... i was CONTROLED, and that is NOT good, so try 2 stay out of that sorta situations, and yes, DO SPEND time 2gether!!! just don't let it RULE your life! artical 2, paragraph 4 SEX what can i say, i will say the following.... EVERY WORD U SAID IS TRUE! and NO, it is not old fashined, it is just the PLAIN way it IS! 4 a damn good reason aswell, if u just go around doing it with every one, u won't EVER no true love... it will b lost 2 u, cos all that true love will mean 2 u is sex... and every man can give that 2 u, so take some advise from a FOOL, have SEX with 1 person and 1 person ONLY, and u will have it 4 the REST of your LIFE! cos if u jump from the one 2 the next... it just loses ALL meaning! TRUST ME! Paragraph 5 Its all fate, so wait..... well if thats how u see it.... then u have another thing coming 4 u, i have seen ppl WAITING their WHOLE LIFES! yet nothing... u have 2 actually attempt it, if ronny asked out G and she said no, she is waiting 4 mr right, she would WAIT 4 EVER! so go out there and grab the world with BOTH HANDS! (and feet if u can) Paragraph 6 There is nothing 2 say about this paragraph, cos it is just so beuatifull! And now i am done, thankz 4 reading, and now i will leave u with a quote about Jeloucy (i came up with this myself) testing the limits in a relationship: "It's good to put wood on the fire, but don't put too much on, or you will burn down the house!"
date: 5:34 am - Wednesday,February 5, 2003