ON FACING HURTS
By: Gilainne Sytingco

We’ve all experienced hurts – whether you’ve been heartbroken, betrayed or rejected. Hurts hurt. In addition, I’m sure we can all agree that when we are intentionally hurt by someone close to our heart, we are more likely to be deeply depressed, and beleaguered by loneliness and discouragement. In fact it is even more painful and heart-breaking.

Anyone can hurt you. After all, there are both good and bad people out there, from school, to work, and even in church. In fact, no matter what their culture, their beliefs or their religion, you will find both good and bad people amongst every facet in society.

When we face hurts, it often has a negative effect on us. The worst of these effects is probably on our emotions. However, in facing such hurts, there are two things we need to ruminate on.

Let’s call the first thing outward-reflection. Realise that we are all imperfect people. The bible states that we’re all sinners. Hence, because of this, at some stage or another, we’ll all end up hurting each other, whether deliberately or inadvertently.

Being angry actually takes a lot of energy. It’s a powerful emotion, and one that ends up draining you. Don’t you think that it would be better to use all that emotion and energy for something more positive – like forgiveness?

Some people believe that forgiveness equates to a restoration of trust. That is absolute nonsense and is so not true. There is a clear difference between trust and forgiveness. We all know that when we’ve been hurt badly, it’s often difficult to trust that person again. So let me share with you this little piece of insight I’ve received lately - I’ve been reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, and one of the chapters highlights the difference between the two. Essentially, forgiveness is letting go of the past, but trust has to do with future behaviour. Warren highlights the importance of forgiving someone immediately, whether or not a person asks for it. Upon reflection, I believe that this is true, and that it especially applies to those closest to our hearts. When someone we love hurts us, we find that we forgive them immediately, even if they don’t ask for forgiveness. That, I suppose, is one of the powers of love.

However, Warren also states that trust must be rebuilt over time. It requires a track-record:
“If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you. They must prove they have changed over time.”

Let’s move on to the second fold: inward-reflection. See the situation positively. Bad experiences are also beneficial as they teach you numerous things. For example, if someone betrays you, you learn to take care who you put your trust in. If someone lies to you, you learn about the importance and value of honesty. If someone slanders you, you learn about strength of character and endurance. And if someone breaks your heart, you learn to guard it and be more cautious about who you give it to. One’s hurts and pains transpire to test and build our strength, our faith and our character. We learn life lessons and they help make us the person we are to become.

And so when we go through these hurts or bad experiences, we should just forgive, pray and trust in God. Philippians 3:13 states: ‘…But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind, and straining towards what is ahead’.

Trusting in God, giving Him all our past hurts, present problems and all our fears and worries, is a conscious decision. Of course, I realise that this is easier said than done – it’s a struggle I myself go through every day. However, we should still depend on God to carry us through; and believe that His grace gives us peace, comfort, strength…and is sufficient to get us through anything. As Philippians 4:13 (Amp) says: ‘I am ready for anything and equal to everything through Him who infuses inner strength in me, that is, I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency’.

So whatever troubling circumstances you are going through at any particular point in time, I would like to encourage you to be confident that you are under God’s watchful eyes, because God knows, and he certainly does care.