A CLOSER LOOK AT FRIENDS

Friends are supporters, people that you like, and more often than not they are people that you know well. Despite this common definition, most of us have struggled to keep some of our friendships and have had problems with our friends.

What do you think is the best way to win and keep your friends and friendships? I think that the three most important ingredients in the recipie of friendship are (1) knowing when to speak the truth and when to listen, (2) watching out for what you say and refusing to gossip and slander, and (3) keeping promises. Most of us don't realise it, but our mouths can be the strongest and most hurtful of weapons. Things that come out of our mouths can either build relationships or destroy them. Of course, in this modern day and age this also applies to what we say when we are online and what we write (for example, in our websites, blogs, etc). I think that one of the most important lessons that we have to learn is to think before we speak. A lot of people do not care about the effects of their words. It is important to have something to say, but it is more important to weigh it up first. We should never make destructive comments about people.

A lot of us have been brought up in very different cultures, backgrounds and environments. Hence, it is not surprising that we have different principles, values, moralities and opinions about different issues. When we have differences about certain issues, I believe that being gracious and tactful is better than making 'ugly' comments. We should be courteous and respectful of one another. However, one thing that I do believe in is the saying "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you".

During arguments or disagreements, it is often the people who are closest to you (such as your friends) that you hurt the most...whether it is by things that you do or say. Hence, if you consider someone as your friend and have issues with them, it is better to approach that person and talk about it. Some people intentionally put things on their public diaries about what they don't like about their friends so that other people can read it. For me, this is an instance of talking about people behind their back, gossiping about people and backstabbing. This, of course, is not very nice and can also ruin someone's reputation. Do you think that real friends would do this? Wouldn't it be much better for the persons who have issues or concerns about each other to privately talk about and settle their issues? As a footnote, this does not relate to anything about anyone I know. It is just a general comment.

I believe that friends can disagree without hurting each other. The question is, how do we do that? I guess the key to this is to keep the other person's self esteem and feelings in mind. It is impossible for a selfish, self-centred person to realise the values and importance of their friends.

Some friends are very possessive. They just want their friends to hang around them. We should allow our friends space and room to grow. No one has the right to restrict someone else's freedom. This is because friends are not possessions that are to be owned and controlled. They should be cherished and appreciated.

Friendship is a fine art...All we need to do is to learn how to make it a masterpiece.