Cultural Relativism: Are moral claims true of false absolutely, or only relatively to their cultural context?
No one can deny the fact that we live in a multicultural society and that there is a need to understand and tolerate some of the beliefs and practices of other cultures in order to make our world function peacefully. But this brings up one of the most controversial questions regarding ethics: are moral claims true or false absolutely or only relative to their cultural context?
The ethical standpoint that says that moral claims are true or false relatively to their cultural context is called meta-ethical cultural relativism. It is a theory where in all perspectives and moral claims are equally acceptable and are true or false based only on the convictions, ideology and principles of the culture where the moral claims have been made. Thus, according to cultural relativism, moral claims are true nor false depending only upon the cultural background and identity of the individual making the claims.
Although this theory sounds appealing and has drawn many people to it, I disagree with cultural relativism. To say that moral claims are neither true nor false absolutely and are only relative to their cultural context is wrong. In my opinion, morality is not based upon different cultures¡¦ opinions. There is always an absolute truth when dealing with moral claims.
Take for example the debate about the geography of the earth. Some cultures believed that the earth is flat, and some cultures believed that the earth is round. Cultural relativism says that there is no absolute truth in regard to this argument. However, upon thinking about it we realize that there is an absolute truth in the geography of earth. We have evidence that the earth is not flat, but is round. And hence we realize that the cultures which believed that the world was flat were wrong.
Cultural relativism dictates that in ethics, there is no absolute truth, or in other words ¡§there are no moral truths that hold for all peoples at all times.¡¨ (1) According to cultural relativism, this is because different cultures have different moral codes. But what if two people from different cultures disagree about a moral claim? Take for example the moral claim of whether or not genocide is right or wrong. Some cultures may think that it is right to murder people of a certain race, and some people will think that it is morally wrong. So, taken in accordance the theory of cultural relativism, does this mean that there is no objective truth? Does this mean that genocide is neither right nor wrong universally, but is right or wrong in relation only to the approval of the culture where it is done? Of course not. Genocide, the execution of a race of people is morally wrong universally, because like it is said in article two and article five of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights ¡§Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms¡Kwithout distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty¡¨ (2) and ¡§No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.¡¨ (3)
The argument for meta-ethical cultural relativism is that ¡§we should adopt an attitude of tolerance towards the practices of other cultures¡¨ (4) because ¡§it is mere arrogance for us to try to judge the conduct of other peoples.¡¨ (5) Hence, we should judge other cultures¡¦ practices based not on our culture, but on what is considered appropriate in their society. So, although members of an uncivilised society are allowed to behave in one way, not everyone is allowed to behave in that way, and nor should we say if their practices are right or wrong ¡V we should just tolerate them. For example, Eskimos practice infanticide and consider it a correct practice because due to their harsh environment and their nomadic way of life, they are unable to care for a lot of children. However, people from our society who have never experienced such a harsh environment consider infanticide immoral. Cultural relativism says that we should not judge this practice. We should just tolerate the fact that Eskimos must (under some circumstances) kill their children without having given them a chance to live because ¡§each culture must be examined in terms of its own structures and values, instead of being rated by the standards of some other civilization exalted as absolute ¡V which in practice of course is always our own civilization¡¨ (6)
My reply to the argument for meta-ethical cultural relativism is that sometimes cultural relativism validates intolerance. Take for example the intolerance of Christianity in Nepal. It is not tolerated to such an extent that there are laws regarding Christianity, making the baptismal of a person, sharing your faith and preaching to others illegal. People who are caught taking part in these activities are persecuted and put in jail. Complying with the ideas of cultural relativism, it is perfectly correct for this culture to not tolerate Christianity and persecute Christians. Hence, meta-ethical cultural relativism allows and validates intolerance.
Now, consider the example I gave regarding genocide. Should we tolerate this practice because it was deemed correct in a society like Germany? Was it morally correct for Adolf Hitler to have murdered all those innocent Jews, Gypsies and Poles? Of course not! Not all cultural practices are correct. While some can be tolerated and respected (such as the practices which comply with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights), this does not mean that we must tolerate all the practices of different cultures. We cannot just stand back and tolerate the murder of innocent people; but this is exactly what cultural relativism is telling us we should do. We must recognize the fact that some cultural practices are simply better than others because if we do not, then we would tolerate and allow cultural practices which dehumanise other humans to continue. In fact, according to Henry Bagish, ¡§any belief or practice that enables human beings to predict and control events in their lives, with a higher degree of success than previous beliefs or practices did, can be said to ¡¥work better¡¦.¡¨ (7) Hence, we cannot tolerate and respect cultural practices which violate universal values and beliefs of what is right and wrong. We cannot tolerate the cultural practices of Germany in the time of Hitler which resulted in the genocide of six million Jews, or the apartheid cultural practice of white South Africans which denied Negros in their country basic human rights until just a few years ago. We have an obligation to oppose such cultural practices and to put a stop to them in this case; there is a moral right or wrong. And in this case, the moral standards by which we can judge what is right or wrong comes in the form of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
Even though each individual culture has its own ethical system and moral codes of behaviour for the members of that culture, there is still an absolute universal truth. I agree with Vincent Ruggiero when he said ¡§if there is no observable control transcending all cultures, no eternal book of rules, then right and wrong are a matter of opinion and it doesn¡¦t matte what we do: anything goes!¡¨ (8) If all moral claims are relative to culture then there is no moral absolute with which we can judge right or wrong. So how could we object to a certain culture¡¦s practice of mutilating the genitals of young girls, or using children as the subjects to painful experiments which would eventually result in psychological disorders? How could we protest at one nation devastating another through the use of nuclear weapons? How could we say that murdering families because they have different religious and political beliefs, or annihilating another race because they look different is wrong? A cultural relativist would tolerate this and deny the fact that there is an absolute truth. But think about it. Do you think that way? I do not. We cannot tolerate moral claims and cultural practices which dehumanise other people and contravene universal values such as valuing life, and respecting the well-being and the dignity of people other than ourselves. Moral claims are not relative to culture ¡V there is always an absolute truth.
Friday, April 11, 2003
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
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entry 57
name: Mastervivi
message:
Hi~~ Len, just read your new article, and I totally agree that honesty and trust is two VERY important factor of love. But i also believe compromising is very important in all relationships. This is probabily I do not believe in soul mates. I think true love comes when two people accept each other's differences, and yet still cares, trusts each other. Two people like each other by lust, which if you put it in scientific view's it's just hermone of two people reacting. (yes i know how unromantic when you put it in the "scientific point of view". But what happens when all the lusts goes away? when suddenly you realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were? when fone calls is not longer a suprise but a routine? When you noticed your bf/gf isn't crazy about you as before~ Will you still cares about your bf/gf the way you did? If you chooses yes~ the you have taken the first step of realizing what love truely is. Ever wondering why after people break-up, they hated the other half? in my opinion, for most cases it's because they finally see the true identity of their other half after the lusts have faded, and they simply could not accept whom they are, they could not bear the battle of acceptance. Finding true love between two people is a tough battle, but that's what makes love so beautiful~ so people, accept your bf/gf for whom they are, including your differences and things about them that you might not enjoy. Though I believe most of you are still experiencing the "lust" stage of your relationships. Lastly i would like to share a quote with you. " love is seeing each other's imperfections as perfection" oh~~ just a word on the "sex" issue~ this is a question for all the guys~ would you like your future wife better/worse because she is/isn't a virgin? Note: everything in this entry is MY OPINION~ feel free to argue/date against it ^___^ *mastervivi warming up for a good dabate*
date: 4:37 pm - Sunday,January 26, 2003
entry 58
name: Rams
message:
lol. hey ppls. interesting issue u have brought up here Gilainne, good work! lol. well let's see.... well i do have some things that i agree with and don't agree with. I'm sure anyone out there would agree that honesty, trust, and commitment are all very important factors to a lasting relationship. But I agree with Ronald also that sexuality should not purely be looked at as dirty and lustful. Lucy, it isn't purely hormones that set people to lust after each other... altho that can be also... and if it is so, that the couple are only interested in sex and nothing else, then i highly doubt they'd be interested in a lasting relationship anyway. There are people who just like to play around and learn things and just see what it's like... and u should respect people for their decisions to do so too, as it is their freedom of choice. As long as their partner is clear on their intentions, then no-one would get hurt. And Lucy, it doesn't always have to be "when all lusts goes away" that you "realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were"... that's a natural thing to discover when you get to know ur partner better... and it's a good thing, because if u overcome such things, then the relationship would be better. "when fone calls is not longer a suprise but a routine?" Well, i don't c anything wrong with fone calls becoming a routine... it's a natural human behaviour when one gets bored of routines. It's up to the couple to make it work again. when phone calls are getting too boring, then obviously it is up to the two to discover what each other likes best and to spice up the relationship again. A relationship is never a perfect fairytale... it takes effort to make it happen. and it can't happen with just one person. both the people must be involved together whole-heartedly. "When you noticed your bf/gf isn't crazy about you as before~ Will you still cares about your bf/gf the way you did?" well obviously, communication is important. If something has happened, the couple should always be able to talk abt it openly. if they aren't so crazy abt u as before... well, ask them y~ if they refuse to tell u, then obviously it's not a very healthy relationship. When someone breaks up, it's not necessarily "after the lusts have faded", no. sometimes u may just realise that the person u are with is no longer the right person for u... and no matter how much u want it, u'd just have to let it go. personalities can clash and cause terrible outcomes, and it's not always just because "they simply could not accept whom they are". If you are to truly accept ur partner for who they are, then u should accept everything abt them... and that includes accepting them physically. Sex is not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not saying to go out there and sleep with as many people as you please... no it's something that needs to be treated with respect. And it is respectable if the person saves themselves for their husband/wife. oh and Lucy, u forgot a question for all the gals: "Would u like you husband better if he was a virgin?". Virginity is a sacred thing, and should not be given away freely, i agree with Gilainne there... (just on a random not tho, wouldn't it be odd if two virgins got married, and then didn't know what to do? =P) And just back to the thing abt liking ur husband/wife more if they were virgin... well if the person loved their partner enough, and accepted them for everything... does that not include accepting them even if they weren't a virgin, and still love them just as much?
date: 9:48 pm - Sunday,January 26, 2003
entry 59
name: may
message:
very nice and well said might i add. i got this from somewhere and i reckon that its very true. When u decide to spend the rest of ur life with that 'someone', thats the person that without the passion or sex (commonly use) u still care for that someone. I think if relationships are based without passion it could last no matter what the out come because you would still care for that person. Where as passion, it might start sth exciting but it wouldn't last.
date: 0:20 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 60
name: Jacky
message:
love is love...in this world...not everything has absolute opposites...something is absolute...love and not love is the extreme absolutes...can be compare...but is not love already...
date: 0:32 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 61
name: xuan
message:
hey gilainne! =) cool site! umm... but if u dont mind me asking, what's the deal with all the love stuff? as long as u have ur friends n family with u, i dont see why someone cant be happy. Just my random comment guys, hope u dont mind =P anyway, did i say this is a cool site?
date: 0:42 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 62
name: taro bro
message:
good article about love but in some ways i guess all the talk is rather idealistic! Haha, didn' meant for that to come across as mean but I believe that under the influence of our emotions, these philosophies can get side tracked very easily and I believe that's one of the main reason we see so many break ups. I believe one thing that is important that u overlooked is the idea of compaionship... the experts say that "passion" love can only last about 10 years on an average, so in a marraige/love i believe that being able to respect and help each other out is rather important. I believe people need to learn to grow together in order to learn to love one another. Well, some of u might not agree with this but this is what i believe at the moment. As with the question whether a girl should lose her virginity to her husband or to her love... I believe that is a matter of personal choice. i believe that giving away ur virgiinity is something sacred and should be given to ur love and if it turns out to be ur husband and that's great. However, i don't see anything wrong with ppl having sex prior to marriage as they will experience "the pleasure" and find out what they like. I believe finding out what exactly u look for in a person is very important before making a commitment and i guess sex is part of it. But if u ask me if i will lose my virginity for the sake of the experience, I will have to tell you i don't know as I will see how the situation goes... And to the question from mastervivi... i would reply it doesn't matter to me coz it's her choice ... she might've come across someone special be4 me and lost her virginity there... i mean if something is going to happen between me and a gal, i only care for what happens when we r together and not her past but of course if she has done something sineful then i will need to take the history into consideration That's all from me for now ~ hope that is enough for our host Gilainne =P
date: 1:11 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 64
name: David L.
message:
OK, here's the my opinion: *relationship is necessary as life bring along. Having ppl to sharing ideas will explore the more than solo(as the word "efficient") *since everyone's unique and individual charater and we do have limit 'time' & 'energy' (in standard term), it's hard to manage good relationship with all the people those been contacted. So choose whom to build the relationship carefully (parents and some isn't optional, blame fate if those who believe it) and be nice to others (being nice to others highly indicate they'll be nice to you , exceptions excluded) * Sex is physcial, would gain pleasure while triggering the actions. It's part of physical life of those who MARRIED. To those who's not married, it's mostly just an exercise that will easily lead to the word "icky" (image having same sweets again and again). Feel like having a change by dump her/him? Find someone new to upgrade now? (Sorry, human isn't item as standard law) That's why marriage introduced to society to secure those people (mostly women). Sorry girls, you're the victims... * Method to maintain/gain a good relationship is numerous. Stop being odd is best idea, always upgrade ownself, by learning something new, having new ideas, gain more physcial appearance... and majorly, be honest and faithful (definition varies as individual) are the key factors.. OK, i'm done, thx to 'inform' me to post this, dinner time..
date: 2:26 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 65
name: Marcy
message:
hey gilainne!! awesome website... luv ur article abt luv, it's so true, i agree with your view, & the bit abt intimacy/sex is so true. i believe that they arent the same, u can be intimate wifout sex, hv any of u seen the new othello movie? (those of u in my eng class [6E Rm]last year will have), O and Desi were in bed naked, but they weren't doing anything, they just enjoy being close to each other. so there, intimacy can exist wifout sex! keep posting, i luv ur articles :)
date: 3:27 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 66
name: TiNa
message:
Hola Len, interesting points you've made abt love and relationships, but I just want to add sth. People like or at least attempt to belive unconditional love, but bluntly as it may sound, it does not exist. Picture this, something major changed abt their significant partner to when they had first known, (maybe even the reason they fell for them), will they be able to accept that? Then what would be the attraction? (mentally or physically) And what is love without any kind of attraction?
date: 5:34 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 67
name: Mastervivi
message:
*nod* *agrees with rams that lust is not entirely hermone reactions* but you have to admit it plays a big part~ it's the difference between admiration and liking someone~ this is MY theory of a crush=admiration + hermone reaction. Also on the note of "when lust goes away, u realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were" isn't always the case? ur significant other will always try to be perfect infront of you, that's how they attract you. But after time the acting fades, and then they return to their true form, no one is perfect~ so you WILL realize that they weren't as perfect as you thought they were. but i am not saying this is a bad thing~~ i was merely pointing out why compromising is so important in relationships. The "fone call" issure~~ not there's nothing wrong with that~ just that it used to be "oh~~ i am so happy that you called" and then it become a routine~ and if one day he/she doesn't call, wouldn't you feel sad/disappointed? in the middle of all these routines~ you are bound to feel sad or hurt. But if you and your partner work things out~ then your relationship is bound to last for longer~ and this could only work if two of you compromise~ ok ok~~ enough of my babble for today~ hehehe bye bye for NOW~ muwahahaha ^_______^
date: 5:47 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 69
name: Jay T
message:
Well, Virginity is not something we should all just throw away like that there is something special about it but some people value it less then others it is like food preference some like spicy some not some well, want to keep it some want to see what it is like to have it removed. Well, you know me, as well as most guys inc some ¡¨special ones¡¨ I betcha they would really want to know what sex is. sex is like if they hasn't had it yet, but they won't coz well honour issues (some guys still have gallantry in their blood) Some (but few).
date: 7:00 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 70
name: alicia
message:
yeah i agree with your ideas, especially the ones about virginity - being the greatest gift and opposites attracting. However I've heard other people talk about whether giving this "greatest gift" to your HUSBAND is really that important. Since divorce is so easy these days and so many couples are resorting to it even after being together for so many years, does this gift to your first husband count as the GREATEST gift even though later on you don't love him anymore? Does a signature on a piece of paper that "binds" two together (which can be easily broken by another agreement) really prove to you that your husband will be worthy? Or is this the same as giving it to the person you think deserves it... whether or not they're your husband? --- just some stuff i've heard.. thought i'd put it in here since it might be... relevant?
date: 7:42 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 72
name: Jacques Lei
message:
I agree with all the stuff you talk but I am still too young to know what love is and how to appreciate it if I was to somehow stumble across it..LOL!!! I just hope that every one of us will someday experience it.. :) G'luck..
date: 4:14 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003
entry 75
name: william
message:
Thats some really deep stuff in your articles, Gillaine. Although I agree that intimacy can exist without sex (admittedly drawing from personal experience), it seems that a lot of people here are drawing a taboo on sex. Intimacy can exist without sex, but it exists more with. great site btw, keep it up!
date: 5:11 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003
entry 76
name: Robbie
message:
Regarding the relationship issue, I must say there is no point wondering or even talking about what a "perfect relationship?is like, because there is no such thing. Imperfection is what makes this world so interesting. We continuously strive out to make people and things better, however as you know some people and things cannot be changed. Since there is no "perfect human being?out there, this no doubt makes "perfect relationships?impossible. I mean I would love to have a wonderful and 100% relationship with a girl of my dreams, however, if that were to happen, life would become quite boring. In saying all that, the next comment shouldn't come as a huge surprise. I reckon a healthy relationship involves fights, arguments, jealously and lack of trust, together with all the other good facets. The only way to make each other fit perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle is to learn about each other's needs and wants, and how each person functions under particular situations. All the elements of a health relationship mentioned above will help. To hear a couple say they never argue, fight or have trust issues tells me they are the unhealthiest!As with sex, I have a slightly different view to what others have said, nevertheless I must say I had exact thoughts when I was younger. Now with a sore back and white hair covering my head (hehe jokes), my ideas regarding sex have changed dramatically. It is not a matter of whether the person you are going to do it with is your husband or wife, rather it has to do with whether you and your partner are ready and feel it¡¦s right. This implies having sex with your girl / boy friend is perfectly normal, so long as you two are committed in a long term healthy relationship. On the other hand to "waste your gift?is to have sex with someone who doesn't love you as much as you love him / her. Another way to "waste your gift?is by having sex with someone who you hardly know. So I think sex before marriage is fine so long as you and your partner love each other. Plus, I mean, for guys, holding off sex is virtually impossible these days with all the sexual connotations out there in the media. And thus would it be natural for guys to wait and wait and wait? No! Do what is natural, but in a healthy way. Additionally, sex shouldn't be seen as a bad thing! To learn about one's sexuality is extremely healthy - that is why we have sexual organs! Hehe. Finally, I will end my jibberish by saying this: true love is when you see the person and all you want to do is to be next to him / her, while sexual feelings are so distant that you don't even feel them. In a way this applies more to guys than girls. So girls, if guys feel "horny?for you early on, that means he isn't going to turn out to be a genuine lover. Ta ta everyone.
date: 5:40 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003
entry 77
name: quasar
message:
there are many reasons as too why ppl wanna have a relationship with someone else...some might be bcoz of peer pressure, showing off to their mates they have wht it takes. Or some might truely be looking for someone they can relate to, feel connected feeling loved and be loved. Whatever the reasons its too hard to find the right/perfect one in just one go...unless ur very lucky and if u do congrats...but go out there and explore, if ur current special someone isn't right for u then dump him/her...well not as blunt as that but yea...but always be true. I believe a good and lasting relationship only develops over time like relationships with friends, long time friends...who knows u might end up marrying one of ur best friends/friends whatever. As for sex, i kinda agree with u Gilainne, its like the ultimate form of love, and resevering it for "the one" sounds right...unless ur marrying just for the fun of it! But sex shouldn't only be reserved for husbands, if the feelings are right and its mutual between the both of u...then why not...it might strengthen whats already there...but ALWAYS BE TRUE!
date: 10:08 pm - Wednesday,January 29, 2003
entry 78
name: Willie
message:
interesting topics and deep thought in here, i fink its worth reading. About sex, i still cant understand y us, the males careing about girl's virginity so much... in my opion, sex will onli happen when both side like/luv each other (well....in most of the cases), if they luv each other y would they care about virginity? i fink its kinda sexism how woman r treated...
date: 0:59 am - Thursday,January 30, 2003
entry 79
name: Henward
message:
well, to my opinion relationship is a bond that only two people share, it is no uncommon to engage in a threesome but must be carefull, attachment is easy, and u must keep ur heart with one person, my opinion is that if u wanna cheat, dont get into a relationship, jsut sleep around, im not judging ppl who sleep around, its a choice, like a colour of hair, hairstyle, car, foods and music, sleeping around is a lifestyle choice that one chooses, but if you say to someone that u are theirs and they are yours...then make it that way, one day, someone will deceive you and you will feel the pain that the others feel... love is mind body and soul, and i think that to hve one you must hvae the other two, to feel absolute love, you must love the three aspects and without that, love is not love but either lust or infatuation... love is through the bad, through the good, and love is eternity even if ur not with that person anymore.... relatiosnhips can be an anchor or a propeller.... but which one is up to you to determine and how you live it....i choose mine to be a propeller and refuse to let it dampen my future and freedom....if it dampens yours.... then maybe you should consider the definition of freedom
date: 1:06 am - Thursday,January 30, 2003
entry 80
name: SillyCatSteven
message:
Presonally, i believe the key factor in a relationship is not trust, nor honesty ,nor commitment, and probably not love either. What a lasting relationship needs from both sides are the abilty to forgive, to know when to stop an argument and take a step back to cool off, and also the unwellingness to hurt eachother. All other factors (turst, love.....) grow from these or will come with time. i also want to point something out on the intimacy issue. i believe that intimacy/sex can be the same. It's like trying to classify shapes in maths. A quadrilateral may be a square in some cases, but quadrilaterals are not all squares. It's the same with intimacy. Sex may involve intimacy in some cases, but having sex doesn't mean intimacy has to be involved. i also believe that intimacy can exist whenever and wherever the couple allows it. Whether it's sex, a look, a smile, a special tone of voice, a quick squeeze of hand, a quick kiss, or even just the feeling of his/her presence... the list goes on. Finally... about "Love". i'm sorry, but i only have 3 words, "I Don't Know..." i thought i knew, but i fact i don't. A illusion was shattered. And maybe, later, i'll be glad for the delution to end... but not yet.. not just yet.
date: 5:19 am - Friday,January 31, 2003
entry 81
name: Logan - Trapped in Darkness
message:
Well done Gil! Excellente! I must agree on the many factors you have listed that are 'responisiblities' attached to that of a boy who wishes to be with a girl (or boy-boy, girl-girl depending on how your socialology works) that must be carried through inorder to succeed in a relationship. Although I must say in reality "teenage romance" doesn't really last that long yet there are some rare cases, most of the time teenages when they mature and grow up end up marrying someone else. Now true-love/love depending how you put it, I can't really say much on this 'cause frankly I'm still waiting for my turn and won't have a clue on what this is all about. Fate, soul mates, destiny ~ these words elude me now since I've grown to hate them because of events taken place which I shall not explain. This doesn't mean I won't eventually accept these terms ~ just have to get cracking to understand them better and acknowledge them. I have been reading this book "FALLING IN LOVE", don't ask me why, heck I don't even know ~ curious I guess. And it quotes "Falling in love is one of life's four great upheavals. We are born, we love, we have children, we die. Although only tow are inevitable (for love and children do not come to everyone) all of them are events of power and danger." Apparently as Gil you have quoted, love seems to not come easy and if you manage to hook yourself on, must agree to make an effort to make it work or else why else would you do it in the first place? (I'm specifically targeting a friend who mistook this idea and turned in some laughing joke matter) Pretty well done again Gil, keep it up and heck you may even write your own book someday and be worldwide for everyone to read.
date: 10:16 am - Friday,January 31, 2003
entry 84
name: TrunkzTheMighty
message:
My OFICIAL REPLY: I don't usually do this... but i decided 2, so bare with me .... i have defided my reply into 6 easy-2-follow replys 4 every paragraph Gilanne has put together SO BRILLIANTL! i would just like 2 say, gilanne, u write did a BRILLIANT JOB! i am really inspired (i got goosbumps) Paragraph 1 ur 1st paragraph makes a few good points 2nd paragraph once again, BRILLIANT!,i could not agree more with what u said there, but then we hit the 3rd paragraph and there goes ur whole story! "the spark" as it is revered 2 is the amount of flair u have in ur relationship, it is like a fire, if u feed the fire, it will b BIG!, if u don't, it will die out, ie, if u do romantic stuff or anything that will make the flame grow, DO it, or else, it will die, trust me, thats what happened 2 me, i did not pay attention 2 my fire and it DIED! but the spark i think ur talking about is a TOTALY DIF ONE! Paragraph 3 Giving eachother SPACE! that is important, don't b mislead by one another, don't let a nice lil picture b pulled over your eyes and just sit back while the world FLIES BY! it happened 2 me... i was "pussy whooped" and it was HORRIBLE, not 4 me, but 4 my friends... i was CONTROLED, and that is NOT good, so try 2 stay out of that sorta situations, and yes, DO SPEND time 2gether!!! just don't let it RULE your life! artical 2, paragraph 4 SEX what can i say, i will say the following.... EVERY WORD U SAID IS TRUE! and NO, it is not old fashined, it is just the PLAIN way it IS! 4 a damn good reason aswell, if u just go around doing it with every one, u won't EVER no true love... it will b lost 2 u, cos all that true love will mean 2 u is sex... and every man can give that 2 u, so take some advise from a FOOL, have SEX with 1 person and 1 person ONLY, and u will have it 4 the REST of your LIFE! cos if u jump from the one 2 the next... it just loses ALL meaning! TRUST ME! Paragraph 5 Its all fate, so wait..... well if thats how u see it.... then u have another thing coming 4 u, i have seen ppl WAITING their WHOLE LIFES! yet nothing... u have 2 actually attempt it, if ronny asked out G and she said no, she is waiting 4 mr right, she would WAIT 4 EVER! so go out there and grab the world with BOTH HANDS! (and feet if u can) Paragraph 6 There is nothing 2 say about this paragraph, cos it is just so beuatifull! And now i am done, thankz 4 reading, and now i will leave u with a quote about Jeloucy (i came up with this myself) testing the limits in a relationship: "It's good to put wood on the fire, but don't put too much on, or you will burn down the house!"
date: 5:34 am - Wednesday,February 5, 2003
entry 57
name: Mastervivi
message:
Hi~~ Len, just read your new article, and I totally agree that honesty and trust is two VERY important factor of love. But i also believe compromising is very important in all relationships. This is probabily I do not believe in soul mates. I think true love comes when two people accept each other's differences, and yet still cares, trusts each other. Two people like each other by lust, which if you put it in scientific view's it's just hermone of two people reacting. (yes i know how unromantic when you put it in the "scientific point of view". But what happens when all the lusts goes away? when suddenly you realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were? when fone calls is not longer a suprise but a routine? When you noticed your bf/gf isn't crazy about you as before~ Will you still cares about your bf/gf the way you did? If you chooses yes~ the you have taken the first step of realizing what love truely is. Ever wondering why after people break-up, they hated the other half? in my opinion, for most cases it's because they finally see the true identity of their other half after the lusts have faded, and they simply could not accept whom they are, they could not bear the battle of acceptance. Finding true love between two people is a tough battle, but that's what makes love so beautiful~ so people, accept your bf/gf for whom they are, including your differences and things about them that you might not enjoy. Though I believe most of you are still experiencing the "lust" stage of your relationships. Lastly i would like to share a quote with you. " love is seeing each other's imperfections as perfection" oh~~ just a word on the "sex" issue~ this is a question for all the guys~ would you like your future wife better/worse because she is/isn't a virgin? Note: everything in this entry is MY OPINION~ feel free to argue/date against it ^___^ *mastervivi warming up for a good dabate*
date: 4:37 pm - Sunday,January 26, 2003
entry 58
name: Rams
message:
lol. hey ppls. interesting issue u have brought up here Gilainne, good work! lol. well let's see.... well i do have some things that i agree with and don't agree with. I'm sure anyone out there would agree that honesty, trust, and commitment are all very important factors to a lasting relationship. But I agree with Ronald also that sexuality should not purely be looked at as dirty and lustful. Lucy, it isn't purely hormones that set people to lust after each other... altho that can be also... and if it is so, that the couple are only interested in sex and nothing else, then i highly doubt they'd be interested in a lasting relationship anyway. There are people who just like to play around and learn things and just see what it's like... and u should respect people for their decisions to do so too, as it is their freedom of choice. As long as their partner is clear on their intentions, then no-one would get hurt. And Lucy, it doesn't always have to be "when all lusts goes away" that you "realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were"... that's a natural thing to discover when you get to know ur partner better... and it's a good thing, because if u overcome such things, then the relationship would be better. "when fone calls is not longer a suprise but a routine?" Well, i don't c anything wrong with fone calls becoming a routine... it's a natural human behaviour when one gets bored of routines. It's up to the couple to make it work again. when phone calls are getting too boring, then obviously it is up to the two to discover what each other likes best and to spice up the relationship again. A relationship is never a perfect fairytale... it takes effort to make it happen. and it can't happen with just one person. both the people must be involved together whole-heartedly. "When you noticed your bf/gf isn't crazy about you as before~ Will you still cares about your bf/gf the way you did?" well obviously, communication is important. If something has happened, the couple should always be able to talk abt it openly. if they aren't so crazy abt u as before... well, ask them y~ if they refuse to tell u, then obviously it's not a very healthy relationship. When someone breaks up, it's not necessarily "after the lusts have faded", no. sometimes u may just realise that the person u are with is no longer the right person for u... and no matter how much u want it, u'd just have to let it go. personalities can clash and cause terrible outcomes, and it's not always just because "they simply could not accept whom they are". If you are to truly accept ur partner for who they are, then u should accept everything abt them... and that includes accepting them physically. Sex is not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not saying to go out there and sleep with as many people as you please... no it's something that needs to be treated with respect. And it is respectable if the person saves themselves for their husband/wife. oh and Lucy, u forgot a question for all the gals: "Would u like you husband better if he was a virgin?". Virginity is a sacred thing, and should not be given away freely, i agree with Gilainne there... (just on a random not tho, wouldn't it be odd if two virgins got married, and then didn't know what to do? =P) And just back to the thing abt liking ur husband/wife more if they were virgin... well if the person loved their partner enough, and accepted them for everything... does that not include accepting them even if they weren't a virgin, and still love them just as much?
date: 9:48 pm - Sunday,January 26, 2003
entry 59
name: may
message:
very nice and well said might i add. i got this from somewhere and i reckon that its very true. When u decide to spend the rest of ur life with that 'someone', thats the person that without the passion or sex (commonly use) u still care for that someone. I think if relationships are based without passion it could last no matter what the out come because you would still care for that person. Where as passion, it might start sth exciting but it wouldn't last.
date: 0:20 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 60
name: Jacky
message:
love is love...in this world...not everything has absolute opposites...something is absolute...love and not love is the extreme absolutes...can be compare...but is not love already...
date: 0:32 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 61
name: xuan
message:
hey gilainne! =) cool site! umm... but if u dont mind me asking, what's the deal with all the love stuff? as long as u have ur friends n family with u, i dont see why someone cant be happy. Just my random comment guys, hope u dont mind =P anyway, did i say this is a cool site?
date: 0:42 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 62
name: taro bro
message:
good article about love but in some ways i guess all the talk is rather idealistic! Haha, didn' meant for that to come across as mean but I believe that under the influence of our emotions, these philosophies can get side tracked very easily and I believe that's one of the main reason we see so many break ups. I believe one thing that is important that u overlooked is the idea of compaionship... the experts say that "passion" love can only last about 10 years on an average, so in a marraige/love i believe that being able to respect and help each other out is rather important. I believe people need to learn to grow together in order to learn to love one another. Well, some of u might not agree with this but this is what i believe at the moment. As with the question whether a girl should lose her virginity to her husband or to her love... I believe that is a matter of personal choice. i believe that giving away ur virgiinity is something sacred and should be given to ur love and if it turns out to be ur husband and that's great. However, i don't see anything wrong with ppl having sex prior to marriage as they will experience "the pleasure" and find out what they like. I believe finding out what exactly u look for in a person is very important before making a commitment and i guess sex is part of it. But if u ask me if i will lose my virginity for the sake of the experience, I will have to tell you i don't know as I will see how the situation goes... And to the question from mastervivi... i would reply it doesn't matter to me coz it's her choice ... she might've come across someone special be4 me and lost her virginity there... i mean if something is going to happen between me and a gal, i only care for what happens when we r together and not her past but of course if she has done something sineful then i will need to take the history into consideration That's all from me for now ~ hope that is enough for our host Gilainne =P
date: 1:11 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 64
name: David L.
message:
OK, here's the my opinion: *relationship is necessary as life bring along. Having ppl to sharing ideas will explore the more than solo(as the word "efficient") *since everyone's unique and individual charater and we do have limit 'time' & 'energy' (in standard term), it's hard to manage good relationship with all the people those been contacted. So choose whom to build the relationship carefully (parents and some isn't optional, blame fate if those who believe it) and be nice to others (being nice to others highly indicate they'll be nice to you , exceptions excluded) * Sex is physcial, would gain pleasure while triggering the actions. It's part of physical life of those who MARRIED. To those who's not married, it's mostly just an exercise that will easily lead to the word "icky" (image having same sweets again and again). Feel like having a change by dump her/him? Find someone new to upgrade now? (Sorry, human isn't item as standard law) That's why marriage introduced to society to secure those people (mostly women). Sorry girls, you're the victims... * Method to maintain/gain a good relationship is numerous. Stop being odd is best idea, always upgrade ownself, by learning something new, having new ideas, gain more physcial appearance... and majorly, be honest and faithful (definition varies as individual) are the key factors.. OK, i'm done, thx to 'inform' me to post this, dinner time..
date: 2:26 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 65
name: Marcy
message:
hey gilainne!! awesome website... luv ur article abt luv, it's so true, i agree with your view, & the bit abt intimacy/sex is so true. i believe that they arent the same, u can be intimate wifout sex, hv any of u seen the new othello movie? (those of u in my eng class [6E Rm]last year will have), O and Desi were in bed naked, but they weren't doing anything, they just enjoy being close to each other. so there, intimacy can exist wifout sex! keep posting, i luv ur articles :)
date: 3:27 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 66
name: TiNa
message:
Hola Len, interesting points you've made abt love and relationships, but I just want to add sth. People like or at least attempt to belive unconditional love, but bluntly as it may sound, it does not exist. Picture this, something major changed abt their significant partner to when they had first known, (maybe even the reason they fell for them), will they be able to accept that? Then what would be the attraction? (mentally or physically) And what is love without any kind of attraction?
date: 5:34 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 67
name: Mastervivi
message:
*nod* *agrees with rams that lust is not entirely hermone reactions* but you have to admit it plays a big part~ it's the difference between admiration and liking someone~ this is MY theory of a crush=admiration + hermone reaction. Also on the note of "when lust goes away, u realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were" isn't always the case? ur significant other will always try to be perfect infront of you, that's how they attract you. But after time the acting fades, and then they return to their true form, no one is perfect~ so you WILL realize that they weren't as perfect as you thought they were. but i am not saying this is a bad thing~~ i was merely pointing out why compromising is so important in relationships. The "fone call" issure~~ not there's nothing wrong with that~ just that it used to be "oh~~ i am so happy that you called" and then it become a routine~ and if one day he/she doesn't call, wouldn't you feel sad/disappointed? in the middle of all these routines~ you are bound to feel sad or hurt. But if you and your partner work things out~ then your relationship is bound to last for longer~ and this could only work if two of you compromise~ ok ok~~ enough of my babble for today~ hehehe bye bye for NOW~ muwahahaha ^_______^
date: 5:47 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 69
name: Jay T
message:
Well, Virginity is not something we should all just throw away like that there is something special about it but some people value it less then others it is like food preference some like spicy some not some well, want to keep it some want to see what it is like to have it removed. Well, you know me, as well as most guys inc some ¡¨special ones¡¨ I betcha they would really want to know what sex is. sex is like if they hasn't had it yet, but they won't coz well honour issues (some guys still have gallantry in their blood) Some (but few).
date: 7:00 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 70
name: alicia
message:
yeah i agree with your ideas, especially the ones about virginity - being the greatest gift and opposites attracting. However I've heard other people talk about whether giving this "greatest gift" to your HUSBAND is really that important. Since divorce is so easy these days and so many couples are resorting to it even after being together for so many years, does this gift to your first husband count as the GREATEST gift even though later on you don't love him anymore? Does a signature on a piece of paper that "binds" two together (which can be easily broken by another agreement) really prove to you that your husband will be worthy? Or is this the same as giving it to the person you think deserves it... whether or not they're your husband? --- just some stuff i've heard.. thought i'd put it in here since it might be... relevant?
date: 7:42 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 72
name: Jacques Lei
message:
I agree with all the stuff you talk but I am still too young to know what love is and how to appreciate it if I was to somehow stumble across it..LOL!!! I just hope that every one of us will someday experience it.. :) G'luck..
date: 4:14 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003
entry 75
name: william
message:
Thats some really deep stuff in your articles, Gillaine. Although I agree that intimacy can exist without sex (admittedly drawing from personal experience), it seems that a lot of people here are drawing a taboo on sex. Intimacy can exist without sex, but it exists more with. great site btw, keep it up!
date: 5:11 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003
entry 76
name: Robbie
message:
Regarding the relationship issue, I must say there is no point wondering or even talking about what a "perfect relationship?is like, because there is no such thing. Imperfection is what makes this world so interesting. We continuously strive out to make people and things better, however as you know some people and things cannot be changed. Since there is no "perfect human being?out there, this no doubt makes "perfect relationships?impossible. I mean I would love to have a wonderful and 100% relationship with a girl of my dreams, however, if that were to happen, life would become quite boring. In saying all that, the next comment shouldn't come as a huge surprise. I reckon a healthy relationship involves fights, arguments, jealously and lack of trust, together with all the other good facets. The only way to make each other fit perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle is to learn about each other's needs and wants, and how each person functions under particular situations. All the elements of a health relationship mentioned above will help. To hear a couple say they never argue, fight or have trust issues tells me they are the unhealthiest!As with sex, I have a slightly different view to what others have said, nevertheless I must say I had exact thoughts when I was younger. Now with a sore back and white hair covering my head (hehe jokes), my ideas regarding sex have changed dramatically. It is not a matter of whether the person you are going to do it with is your husband or wife, rather it has to do with whether you and your partner are ready and feel it¡¦s right. This implies having sex with your girl / boy friend is perfectly normal, so long as you two are committed in a long term healthy relationship. On the other hand to "waste your gift?is to have sex with someone who doesn't love you as much as you love him / her. Another way to "waste your gift?is by having sex with someone who you hardly know. So I think sex before marriage is fine so long as you and your partner love each other. Plus, I mean, for guys, holding off sex is virtually impossible these days with all the sexual connotations out there in the media. And thus would it be natural for guys to wait and wait and wait? No! Do what is natural, but in a healthy way. Additionally, sex shouldn't be seen as a bad thing! To learn about one's sexuality is extremely healthy - that is why we have sexual organs! Hehe. Finally, I will end my jibberish by saying this: true love is when you see the person and all you want to do is to be next to him / her, while sexual feelings are so distant that you don't even feel them. In a way this applies more to guys than girls. So girls, if guys feel "horny?for you early on, that means he isn't going to turn out to be a genuine lover. Ta ta everyone.
date: 5:40 am - Wednesday,January 29, 2003
entry 77
name: quasar
message:
there are many reasons as too why ppl wanna have a relationship with someone else...some might be bcoz of peer pressure, showing off to their mates they have wht it takes. Or some might truely be looking for someone they can relate to, feel connected feeling loved and be loved. Whatever the reasons its too hard to find the right/perfect one in just one go...unless ur very lucky and if u do congrats...but go out there and explore, if ur current special someone isn't right for u then dump him/her...well not as blunt as that but yea...but always be true. I believe a good and lasting relationship only develops over time like relationships with friends, long time friends...who knows u might end up marrying one of ur best friends/friends whatever. As for sex, i kinda agree with u Gilainne, its like the ultimate form of love, and resevering it for "the one" sounds right...unless ur marrying just for the fun of it! But sex shouldn't only be reserved for husbands, if the feelings are right and its mutual between the both of u...then why not...it might strengthen whats already there...but ALWAYS BE TRUE!
date: 10:08 pm - Wednesday,January 29, 2003
entry 78
name: Willie
message:
interesting topics and deep thought in here, i fink its worth reading. About sex, i still cant understand y us, the males careing about girl's virginity so much... in my opion, sex will onli happen when both side like/luv each other (well....in most of the cases), if they luv each other y would they care about virginity? i fink its kinda sexism how woman r treated...
date: 0:59 am - Thursday,January 30, 2003
entry 79
name: Henward
message:
well, to my opinion relationship is a bond that only two people share, it is no uncommon to engage in a threesome but must be carefull, attachment is easy, and u must keep ur heart with one person, my opinion is that if u wanna cheat, dont get into a relationship, jsut sleep around, im not judging ppl who sleep around, its a choice, like a colour of hair, hairstyle, car, foods and music, sleeping around is a lifestyle choice that one chooses, but if you say to someone that u are theirs and they are yours...then make it that way, one day, someone will deceive you and you will feel the pain that the others feel... love is mind body and soul, and i think that to hve one you must hvae the other two, to feel absolute love, you must love the three aspects and without that, love is not love but either lust or infatuation... love is through the bad, through the good, and love is eternity even if ur not with that person anymore.... relatiosnhips can be an anchor or a propeller.... but which one is up to you to determine and how you live it....i choose mine to be a propeller and refuse to let it dampen my future and freedom....if it dampens yours.... then maybe you should consider the definition of freedom
date: 1:06 am - Thursday,January 30, 2003
entry 80
name: SillyCatSteven
message:
Presonally, i believe the key factor in a relationship is not trust, nor honesty ,nor commitment, and probably not love either. What a lasting relationship needs from both sides are the abilty to forgive, to know when to stop an argument and take a step back to cool off, and also the unwellingness to hurt eachother. All other factors (turst, love.....) grow from these or will come with time. i also want to point something out on the intimacy issue. i believe that intimacy/sex can be the same. It's like trying to classify shapes in maths. A quadrilateral may be a square in some cases, but quadrilaterals are not all squares. It's the same with intimacy. Sex may involve intimacy in some cases, but having sex doesn't mean intimacy has to be involved. i also believe that intimacy can exist whenever and wherever the couple allows it. Whether it's sex, a look, a smile, a special tone of voice, a quick squeeze of hand, a quick kiss, or even just the feeling of his/her presence... the list goes on. Finally... about "Love". i'm sorry, but i only have 3 words, "I Don't Know..." i thought i knew, but i fact i don't. A illusion was shattered. And maybe, later, i'll be glad for the delution to end... but not yet.. not just yet.
date: 5:19 am - Friday,January 31, 2003
entry 81
name: Logan - Trapped in Darkness
message:
Well done Gil! Excellente! I must agree on the many factors you have listed that are 'responisiblities' attached to that of a boy who wishes to be with a girl (or boy-boy, girl-girl depending on how your socialology works) that must be carried through inorder to succeed in a relationship. Although I must say in reality "teenage romance" doesn't really last that long yet there are some rare cases, most of the time teenages when they mature and grow up end up marrying someone else. Now true-love/love depending how you put it, I can't really say much on this 'cause frankly I'm still waiting for my turn and won't have a clue on what this is all about. Fate, soul mates, destiny ~ these words elude me now since I've grown to hate them because of events taken place which I shall not explain. This doesn't mean I won't eventually accept these terms ~ just have to get cracking to understand them better and acknowledge them. I have been reading this book "FALLING IN LOVE", don't ask me why, heck I don't even know ~ curious I guess. And it quotes "Falling in love is one of life's four great upheavals. We are born, we love, we have children, we die. Although only tow are inevitable (for love and children do not come to everyone) all of them are events of power and danger." Apparently as Gil you have quoted, love seems to not come easy and if you manage to hook yourself on, must agree to make an effort to make it work or else why else would you do it in the first place? (I'm specifically targeting a friend who mistook this idea and turned in some laughing joke matter) Pretty well done again Gil, keep it up and heck you may even write your own book someday and be worldwide for everyone to read.
date: 10:16 am - Friday,January 31, 2003
entry 84
name: TrunkzTheMighty
message:
My OFICIAL REPLY: I don't usually do this... but i decided 2, so bare with me .... i have defided my reply into 6 easy-2-follow replys 4 every paragraph Gilanne has put together SO BRILLIANTL! i would just like 2 say, gilanne, u write did a BRILLIANT JOB! i am really inspired (i got goosbumps) Paragraph 1 ur 1st paragraph makes a few good points 2nd paragraph once again, BRILLIANT!,i could not agree more with what u said there, but then we hit the 3rd paragraph and there goes ur whole story! "the spark" as it is revered 2 is the amount of flair u have in ur relationship, it is like a fire, if u feed the fire, it will b BIG!, if u don't, it will die out, ie, if u do romantic stuff or anything that will make the flame grow, DO it, or else, it will die, trust me, thats what happened 2 me, i did not pay attention 2 my fire and it DIED! but the spark i think ur talking about is a TOTALY DIF ONE! Paragraph 3 Giving eachother SPACE! that is important, don't b mislead by one another, don't let a nice lil picture b pulled over your eyes and just sit back while the world FLIES BY! it happened 2 me... i was "pussy whooped" and it was HORRIBLE, not 4 me, but 4 my friends... i was CONTROLED, and that is NOT good, so try 2 stay out of that sorta situations, and yes, DO SPEND time 2gether!!! just don't let it RULE your life! artical 2, paragraph 4 SEX what can i say, i will say the following.... EVERY WORD U SAID IS TRUE! and NO, it is not old fashined, it is just the PLAIN way it IS! 4 a damn good reason aswell, if u just go around doing it with every one, u won't EVER no true love... it will b lost 2 u, cos all that true love will mean 2 u is sex... and every man can give that 2 u, so take some advise from a FOOL, have SEX with 1 person and 1 person ONLY, and u will have it 4 the REST of your LIFE! cos if u jump from the one 2 the next... it just loses ALL meaning! TRUST ME! Paragraph 5 Its all fate, so wait..... well if thats how u see it.... then u have another thing coming 4 u, i have seen ppl WAITING their WHOLE LIFES! yet nothing... u have 2 actually attempt it, if ronny asked out G and she said no, she is waiting 4 mr right, she would WAIT 4 EVER! so go out there and grab the world with BOTH HANDS! (and feet if u can) Paragraph 6 There is nothing 2 say about this paragraph, cos it is just so beuatifull! And now i am done, thankz 4 reading, and now i will leave u with a quote about Jeloucy (i came up with this myself) testing the limits in a relationship: "It's good to put wood on the fire, but don't put too much on, or you will burn down the house!"
date: 5:34 am - Wednesday,February 5, 2003
Monday, January 27, 2003
Feedback
entry 55
name: Ronald Liew
message:
Hey sweetie, well, it is interesting, your new topic, and i really see your writing bringing you places. There are things i agree and things i disagree about your writing. The world is no longer simple like it used to be, and now, there are more sly and cunning people than there are noble and righteous people, therefore, tradition is really dying, and i rekon it is a good thing to keep tradition going. But i also think that inorder to cope with the changing world, it is important to be able to adapt to changes, and like i told you before, i am highly adaptable. Sexuality and commitment is something that needs to be guaged, and not followed blindly. I dont believe in one night stands and i dont believe in sleepping anyone with a mutual lusting desire, but i think that it is a ceremony shared by two individuals, be it homo, bi, or erm...guess they dont have the word for it? Imagine if you were to marry someone you didnt like, does that mean you are gonna make love with that person? Just because you are married? What about the person who loves you? I think it is extremely irresponsible for one person to hurt someone who loves him/her in that sense. I agree with what you said that we should respect our partner's decision, but it is also important that we educate our partner in the means that we find most suitable. But saying it is differednt from actually doing it. My means to express my views is not to be in conflict, although it often is the first thing that comes to mind, and we often disagree quicker than we can think outside the box, the most common thought is that someone is trying to cheat us into something. We should always guage our faith in someone, if that person is telling the truth or if that person is lying. It is difficult to commit to someone when we are always suspicious of that person; saying that i have trust is easier than actually trusting someone. There is no point in saying that i trust you, but somehow feel uneasy about certain things. Commitment is important, trust, and respect for each other is also very important in maintaining a relationship. To only way to really end up marrying each other, and staying in love till the end, is to get dragged through mud and crap, and still hold on together, and ignore the smell. There is not a single person who can climb up the top, and stay at the top, without having scars. No war is won without having sacrifice. Love cannot exist if there wasnt any pain...nor can it if there was only pain. There should be a balance.
date: 2:56 am - Sunday,January 26, 2003
entry 57
name: Mastervivi
message:
Hi~~ Len, just read your new article, and I totally agree that honesty and trust is two VERY important factor of love. But i also believe compromising is very important in all relationships. This is probabily I do not believe in soul mates. I think true love comes when two people accept each other's differences, and yet still cares, trusts each other. Two people like each other by lust, which if you put it in scientific view's it's just hermone of two people reacting. (yes i know how unromantic when you put it in the "scientific point of view". But what happens when all the lusts goes away? when suddenly you realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were? when fone calls is not longer a suprise but a routine? When you noticed your bf/gf isn't crazy about you as before~ Will you still cares about your bf/gf the way you did? If you chooses yes~ the you have taken the first step of realizing what love truely is. Ever wondering why after people break-up, they hated the other half? in my opinion, for most cases it's because they finally see the true identity of their other half after the lusts have faded, and they simply could not accept whom they are, they could not bear the battle of acceptance. Finding true love between two people is a tough battle, but that's what makes love so beautiful~ so people, accept your bf/gf for whom they are, including your differences and things about them that you might not enjoy. Though I believe most of you are still experiencing the "lust" stage of your relationships. Lastly i would like to share a quote with you. " love is seeing each other's imperfections as perfection" oh~~ just a word on the "sex" issue~ this is a question for all the guys~ would you like your future wife better/worse because she is/isn't a virgin? Note: everything in this entry is MY OPINION~ feel free to argue/date against it ^___^ *mastervivi warming up for a good dabate*
date: 4:37 pm - Sunday,January 26, 2003
entry 58
name: Rams
message:
lol. hey ppls. interesting issue u have brought up here Gilainne, good work! lol. well let's see.... well i do have some things that i agree with and don't agree with. I'm sure anyone out there would agree that honesty, trust, and commitment are all very important factors to a lasting relationship. But I agree with Ronald also that sexuality should not purely be looked at as dirty and lustful. Lucy, it isn't purely hormones that set people to lust after each other... altho that can be also... and if it is so, that the couple are only interested in sex and nothing else, then i highly doubt they'd be interested in a lasting relationship anyway. There are people who just like to play around and learn things and just see what it's like... and u should respect people for their decisions to do so too, as it is their freedom of choice. As long as their partner is clear on their intentions, then no-one would get hurt. And Lucy, it doesn't always have to be "when all lusts goes away" that you "realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were"... that's a natural thing to discover when you get to know ur partner better... and it's a good thing, because if u overcome such things, then the relationship would be better. "when fone calls is not longer a suprise but a routine?" Well, i don't c anything wrong with fone calls becoming a routine... it's a natural human behaviour when one gets bored of routines. It's up to the couple to make it work again. when phone calls are getting too boring, then obviously it is up to the two to discover what each other likes best and to spice up the relationship again. A relationship is never a perfect fairytale... it takes effort to make it happen. and it can't happen with just one person. both the people must be involved together whole-heartedly. "When you noticed your bf/gf isn't crazy about you as before~ Will you still cares about your bf/gf the way you did?" well obviously, communication is important. If something has happened, the couple should always be able to talk abt it openly. if they aren't so crazy abt u as before... well, ask them y~ if they refuse to tell u, then obviously it's not a very healthy relationship. When someone breaks up, it's not necessarily "after the lusts have faded", no. sometimes u may just realise that the person u are with is no longer the right person for u... and no matter how much u want it, u'd just have to let it go. personalities can clash and cause terrible outcomes, and it's not always just because "they simply could not accept whom they are". If you are to truly accept ur partner for who they are, then u should accept everything abt them... and that includes accepting them physically. Sex is not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not saying to go out there and sleep with as many people as you please... no it's something that needs to be treated with respect. And it is respectable if the person saves themselves for their husband/wife. oh and Lucy, u forgot a question for all the gals: "Would u like you husband better if he was a virgin?". Virginity is a sacred thing, and should not be given away freely, i agree with Gilainne there... (just on a random not tho, wouldn't it be odd if two virgins got married, and then didn't know what to do? =P) And just back to the thing abt liking ur husband/wife more if they were virgin... well if the person loved their partner enough, and accepted them for everything... does that not include accepting them even if they weren't a virgin, and still love them just as much?
date: 9:48 pm - Sunday,January 26, 2003
entry 59
name: may
message:
very nice and well said might i add. i got this from somewhere and i reckon that its very true. When u decide to spend the rest of ur life with that 'someone', thats the person that without the passion or sex (commonly use) u still care for that someone. I think if relationships are based without passion it could last no matter what the out come because you would still care for that person. Where as passion, it might start sth exciting but it wouldn't last.
date: 0:20 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 60
name: Jacky
message:
love is love...in this world...not everything has absolute opposites...something is absolute...love and not love is the extreme absolutes...can be compare...but is not love already...
date: 0:32 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 61
name: xuan
message:
hey gilainne! =) cool site! umm... but if u dont mind me asking, what's the deal with all the love stuff? as long as u have ur friends n family with u, i dont see why someone cant be happy. Just my random comment guys, hope u dont mind =P anyway, did i say this is a cool site?
date: 0:42 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 62
name: taro bro
message:
good article about love but in some ways i guess all the talk is rather idealistic! Haha, didn' meant for that to come across as mean but I believe that under the influence of our emotions, these philosophies can get side tracked very easily and I believe that's one of the main reason we see so many break ups. I believe one thing that is important that u overlooked is the idea of compaionship... the experts say that "passion" love can only last about 10 years on an average, so in a marraige/love i believe that being able to respect and help each other out is rather important. I believe people need to learn to grow together in order to learn to love one another. Well, some of u might not agree with this but this is what i believe at the moment. As with the question whether a girl should lose her virginity to her husband or to her love... I believe that is a matter of personal choice. i believe that giving away ur virgiinity is something sacred and should be given to ur love and if it turns out to be ur husband and that's great. However, i don't see anything wrong with ppl having sex prior to marriage as they will experience "the pleasure" and find out what they like. I believe finding out what exactly u look for in a person is very important before making a commitment and i guess sex is part of it. But if u ask me if i will lose my virginity for the sake of the experience, I will have to tell you i don't know as I will see how the situation goes... And to the question from mastervivi... i would reply it doesn't matter to me coz it's her choice ... she might've come across someone special be4 me and lost her virginity there... i mean if something is going to happen between me and a gal, i only care for what happens when we r together and not her past but of course if she has done something sineful then i will need to take the history into consideration That's all from me for now ~ hope that is enough for our host Gilainne =P
date: 1:11 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 64
name: David L.
message:
OK, here's the my opinion: *relationship is necessary as life bring along. Having ppl to sharing ideas will explore the more than solo(as the word "efficient") *since everyone's unique and individual charater and we do have limit 'time' & 'energy' (in standard term), it's hard to manage good relationship with all the people those been contacted. So choose whom to build the relationship carefully (parents and some isn't optional, blame fate if those who believe it) and be nice to others (being nice to others highly indicate they'll be nice to you , exceptions excluded) * Sex is physcial, would gain pleasure while triggering the actions. It's part of physical life of those who MARRIED. To those who's not married, it's mostly just an exercise that will easily lead to the word "icky" (image having same sweets again and again). Feel like having a change by dump her/him? Find someone new to upgrade now? (Sorry, human isn't item as standard law) That's why marriage introduced to society to secure those people (mostly women). Sorry girls, you're the victims... * Method to maintain/gain a good relationship is numerous. Stop being odd is best idea, always upgrade ownself, by learning something new, having new ideas, gain more physcial appearance... and majorly, be honest and faithful (definition varies as individual) are the key factors.. OK, i'm done, thx to 'inform' me to post this, dinner time..
date: 2:26 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 65
name: Marcy
message:
hey gilainne!! awesome website... luv ur article abt luv, it's so true, i agree with your view, & the bit abt intimacy/sex is so true. i believe that they arent the same, u can be intimate wifout sex, hv any of u seen the new othello movie? (those of u in my eng class [6E Rm]last year will have), O and Desi were in bed naked, but they weren't doing anything, they just enjoy being close to each other. so there, intimacy can exist wifout sex! keep posting, i luv ur articles :)
date: 3:27 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 66
name: TiNa
message:
Hola Len, interesting points you've made abt love and relationships, but I just want to add sth. People like or at least attempt to belive unconditional love, but bluntly as it may sound, it does not exist. Picture this, something major changed abt their significant partner to when they had first known, (maybe even the reason they fell for them), will they be able to accept that? Then what would be the attraction? (mentally or physically) And what is love without any kind of attraction?
date: 5:34 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 67
name: Mastervivi
message:
*nod* *agrees with rams that lust is not entirely hermone reactions* but you have to admit it plays a big part~ it's the difference between admiration and liking someone~ this is MY theory of a crush=admiration + hermone reaction. Also on the note of "when lust goes away, u realize there are things about your bf/gf that aren't so perfect as you thought they were" isn't always the case? ur significant other will always try to be perfect infront of you, that's how they attract you. But after time the acting fades, and then they return to their true form, no one is perfect~ so you WILL realize that they weren't as perfect as you thought they were. but i am not saying this is a bad thing~~ i was merely pointing out why compromising is so important in relationships. The "fone call" issure~~ not there's nothing wrong with that~ just that it used to be "oh~~ i am so happy that you called" and then it become a routine~ and if one day he/she doesn't call, wouldn't you feel sad/disappointed? in the middle of all these routines~ you are bound to feel sad or hurt. But if you and your partner work things out~ then your relationship is bound to last for longer~ and this could only work if two of you compromise~ ok ok~~ enough of my babble for today~ hehehe bye bye for NOW~ muwahahaha ^_______^
date: 5:47 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 69
name: Jay T
message:
Well, Virginity is not something we should all just throw away like that there is something special about it but some people value it less then others it is like food preference some like spicy some not some well, want to keep it some want to see what it is like to have it removed. Well, you know me, as well as most guys inc some ¡¨special ones¡¨ I betcha they would really want to know what sex is. sex is like if they hasn't had it yet, but they won't coz well honour issues (some guys still have gallantry in their blood) Some (but few).
date: 7:00 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
entry 70
name: alicia
message:
yeah i agree with your ideas, especially the ones about virginity - being the greatest gift and opposites attracting. However I've heard other people talk about whether giving this "greatest gift" to your HUSBAND is really that important. Since divorce is so easy these days and so many couples are resorting to it even after being together for so many years, does this gift to your first husband count as the GREATEST gift even though later on you don't love him anymore? Does a signature on a piece of paper that "binds" two together (which can be easily broken by another agreement) really prove to you that your husband will be worthy? Or is this the same as giving it to the person you think deserves it... whether or not they're your husband? --- just some stuff i've heard.. thought i'd put it in here since it might be... relevant?
date: 7:42 am - Monday,January 27, 2003
Friday, January 24, 2003
A Dummy's View of a Relationship
Everyone is different. We all have different perceptions, ideas, ideals and reason's for doing things. And so it is with all relationships. It is not fair to compare your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend with your friend's relationship with his or her boyfriend or girlfriend. Everyone has different reasons for being or wanting to be in a relationship, whether its for fun, or to just simply experience the feeling, and so on. However, in my opinion, a relationship is a very serious thing. Relationships are all about faithfulness and commitment...If you want to 'experiment' with other people when you already have someone, then what's the point? Why bother? A friend once commented that flirting is unfaithfulness - flirting by use of words is verbal unfaithfulness, while physical flirtation is unfaithfulness at a more...'tangible' level. In saying this, I think I can openly express my honest opinion that a relationship without commitment and faithfulness will not get you anywhere.
While you may have faithfulness and commitment, you also need communication and honesty. Imagine being in a relationship where the two people involved do not communicate at all! Sure, they don't play around, but how will they come to understand each others' thoughts, feelings, fears and worries? How will they know what the other wants and needs? This hypothetical relationship is of course an extreme hyperbole, but I think you should be able to apply it to yourself. Communication and honestly are two of the most valuable things in a relationship for you should both be willing and able to talk about your feelings and thoughts about any issue or situation. You should appreciate the fact that you know how your significant other feels about things and be able to compromise with him or her if need be.
Of course, those are certainly not the only things involved in a relationship. Trust is another key factor...to be able to trust each other and let the other person grow and develop by him or herself is important. Being a comfort and encouragement to each other is also an essential part of a relationship. But then, all the little things such as enjoying each others' company, understanding each other, intimacy, security and of course love are also important. Depending on the people involved, compatibility may or may not be an issue. Opposites do attract, and as long as you can both deal with having different views, then it should be okay. A lot of people are looking for that 'spark' and/or a connection with someone, but realistically speaking, not everyone has that. If you are lucky enough to have it, then treasure it and don't take it for granted.
And finally, an issue everyone wants to hear about...sex. A lot of people think that sex is the key to becoming more intimate with their boyfriend or girlfriend, but to me, sex is not intimacy, and intimacy is not sex. The virginity of a person is something quite 'sacred' and should not be lost or given to just anyone. Make sure that he or she is the right person, worth having you, and that you are completely ready to do it. Most of you will know by now what i think of this issue...but for those who don't or can't recall, then let me refresh your memory. For me, a woman's virginity is the greatest gift she can give her husband. Call it old fashioned, traditional...whatever, but I think that love goes beyond the flesh. If someone really cares about you, he or she will never pressure you to have sex, but will respect your decision.
For me, a relationship is about respecting someone's feelings and not making them feel bad about themselves. Its about minimising insecurities as much as you are able to, making the other person feel special, cared about, loved, wanted, needed and appreciated. Love and relationships are not things that you go out and attempt to seek out for yourself. Its all fate, so wait.
A perfect relationship is when you have all of the above including passion and romance. But, what if unfortunately, passion and romance begin to disappear from your relationship? Will love still prevail? Take for example these worst-case scenarios...Will you love, stay, be faithful and commited to someone who is crippled or sick? What if your relationship is no longer exciting? Will you cheat on the other person or leave them because they are no longer beautiful, no longer interesting and no longer exciting? Someone once told me that passion and romance is integrated with love, and that there is no way these things can be separated. What do you think? What, to you, is a relationship and what does it consist of? What is love...what is true love and what is being in love? One of my favourite quotes sums up what I think; "True love doesn't have a happy ending. That's because true love doesn't have an ending. A heart truly in love never loses hope, but always believes in the promise of love, no matter how long the time...and how far the distance..."
Monday, January 20, 2003
Feedback
entry 51
name: Ronald Liew
message:
Hey ya! alright, i have to address my msg to two groups, firtsly, the general public. I am sure alot of you guys are kinda interested in what i am writting in here, lol. Well, i agree with Ray's opening, time is an finite resource, and that recreational activities do not waste time, and regarding the chagrging bit. Time is important, and we only have so much time, whatever done is done, there is no turning back. Dont live in regrets, always keep them in mind, and learn from them. No point wasting time in non-benfitial activities, such as sulking, but i meant it in an extreme case situation. There is a time of depression in everyone's life, but does sulking make it any better? Does being depressed makes anything better? It doesnt! Make full use of your VERY LIMITED TIME, if life is bad, do something to make it better, it wouldnt get better just because you think it will. Sadness, depression, and sulking is hard to ignore, so deal with your emotional rituals, and get on with life~!! A break up is horrible, no one loves me, it is horrible, so what are you gonna do about it? Will remainning sad help you get through life? Will anyone love you more just because you are sulking? Make most of what you are given, grab hold of all your opportunities, make sure they count, and dont hurt the ones you love, and most importantly, dont hurt the ones who love you. Now, my message to Gilainne, This is a very good topic to start your blog with, and i see that you have caught alot of people's attention and given them alot of inspirring thoughts. Keep up the good work. Oh, and also, i wanna take this chance to shout out to the world, that... I LOVE YOU~!! Ron
date: 6:39 am - Monday,January 20, 2003
entry 51
name: Ronald Liew
message:
Hey ya! alright, i have to address my msg to two groups, firtsly, the general public. I am sure alot of you guys are kinda interested in what i am writting in here, lol. Well, i agree with Ray's opening, time is an finite resource, and that recreational activities do not waste time, and regarding the chagrging bit. Time is important, and we only have so much time, whatever done is done, there is no turning back. Dont live in regrets, always keep them in mind, and learn from them. No point wasting time in non-benfitial activities, such as sulking, but i meant it in an extreme case situation. There is a time of depression in everyone's life, but does sulking make it any better? Does being depressed makes anything better? It doesnt! Make full use of your VERY LIMITED TIME, if life is bad, do something to make it better, it wouldnt get better just because you think it will. Sadness, depression, and sulking is hard to ignore, so deal with your emotional rituals, and get on with life~!! A break up is horrible, no one loves me, it is horrible, so what are you gonna do about it? Will remainning sad help you get through life? Will anyone love you more just because you are sulking? Make most of what you are given, grab hold of all your opportunities, make sure they count, and dont hurt the ones you love, and most importantly, dont hurt the ones who love you. Now, my message to Gilainne, This is a very good topic to start your blog with, and i see that you have caught alot of people's attention and given them alot of inspirring thoughts. Keep up the good work. Oh, and also, i wanna take this chance to shout out to the world, that... I LOVE YOU~!! Ron
date: 6:39 am - Monday,January 20, 2003
Sunday, January 19, 2003
Feedback
entry 31
name: Ray
message:
Interesting thoughts Lainne, I guess I'd call it an idealistic approach to how we live our lives; Yes, time is gold, it's the most precious finite resource anyone can have - but you do not always have to have a goal in mind, to use that time wisely; recreation might seem like wasting time, but you're interacting and recharging your batteries and brain for more thoughtful stuff, it's like delayed fulfilment. I will wait now, in order to gain more later. I agree with the life as a learning experiance thing, I don't think anyone can actually dispute that claim; but perhaps the real issue is to see if we take that learning and put it into practice, or rather, take what we observe, and use it for ourselves, moving these ideas conceptually forward, teaching it to others. Not just going 'oh yeah, that's a good idea' and not implementing it into your own life like many of us do, because we are stuck in the seemingly endless loop of innate and practiced behaviour we experience. You're moving into 7th form this year, yes, life is not all about parties and getting drunk, but don't think you can't learn from this kind of experiance as well. Interaction with other people can gain you vast amounts of knowledge, getting drunk gets you the knowledge of what your insides look like when you've had too much, or what it really feels like to make a fool out of yourself in front of your friends... or even strangers.. and then reflecting on whether it really matters? You learn, everywhere, in everyway. Scholarly approaches aren't the only way to look at it; that's only one half of life, there's people to learn and live with too :) So yes, life is there to be lived - to be known, to learn from, but that's all of life. School and books, that's great, really, it is, again on the delayed gratification - I study now so I can have lots of money later and have even MORE fun later. But you also learn other things with your youth, First kiss, first drink, first love, first bliss - don't pass up on all these at some point either, it's only in your youth that your age is a perfectly good excuse to be out of the norm. It's just a phase, just be afraid when you grow out of it
date: 4:41 am - Saturday,January 11, 2003
entry 50
name: Henward Tan
message:
A True measure of a man is not what he does in times of pleasure and comfort but what he does in challenge and contraversy...martin luther king said that... and by having new years resolutions shows weakness and the incapability to renew ones spirits, u dont know a new year to start over, u can do it anytime u want, i learnt that if u have a big loan, u shouldnt have a huge holiday ... cos money is needed, ... its irrelevant but its a funny lesson...:d
date: 2:30 am - Friday,January 17, 2003
entry 31
name: Ray
message:
Interesting thoughts Lainne, I guess I'd call it an idealistic approach to how we live our lives; Yes, time is gold, it's the most precious finite resource anyone can have - but you do not always have to have a goal in mind, to use that time wisely; recreation might seem like wasting time, but you're interacting and recharging your batteries and brain for more thoughtful stuff, it's like delayed fulfilment. I will wait now, in order to gain more later. I agree with the life as a learning experiance thing, I don't think anyone can actually dispute that claim; but perhaps the real issue is to see if we take that learning and put it into practice, or rather, take what we observe, and use it for ourselves, moving these ideas conceptually forward, teaching it to others. Not just going 'oh yeah, that's a good idea' and not implementing it into your own life like many of us do, because we are stuck in the seemingly endless loop of innate and practiced behaviour we experience. You're moving into 7th form this year, yes, life is not all about parties and getting drunk, but don't think you can't learn from this kind of experiance as well. Interaction with other people can gain you vast amounts of knowledge, getting drunk gets you the knowledge of what your insides look like when you've had too much, or what it really feels like to make a fool out of yourself in front of your friends... or even strangers.. and then reflecting on whether it really matters? You learn, everywhere, in everyway. Scholarly approaches aren't the only way to look at it; that's only one half of life, there's people to learn and live with too :) So yes, life is there to be lived - to be known, to learn from, but that's all of life. School and books, that's great, really, it is, again on the delayed gratification - I study now so I can have lots of money later and have even MORE fun later. But you also learn other things with your youth, First kiss, first drink, first love, first bliss - don't pass up on all these at some point either, it's only in your youth that your age is a perfectly good excuse to be out of the norm. It's just a phase, just be afraid when you grow out of it
date: 4:41 am - Saturday,January 11, 2003
entry 50
name: Henward Tan
message:
A True measure of a man is not what he does in times of pleasure and comfort but what he does in challenge and contraversy...martin luther king said that... and by having new years resolutions shows weakness and the incapability to renew ones spirits, u dont know a new year to start over, u can do it anytime u want, i learnt that if u have a big loan, u shouldnt have a huge holiday ... cos money is needed, ... its irrelevant but its a funny lesson...:d
date: 2:30 am - Friday,January 17, 2003
Friday, January 10, 2003
Feedback
..different views, different opinions, different values....these are the things that make us just that little bit more unique. i appreciate what you've all shared with me, and I'm sure that it will not only benefit me, but benefit others too...
entry 11
name: may
message:
What is the point of life as someone (u know who u are) had asked me once. I would say Life is what u make of it and that is the point of life. To know that u lived once and to let ppl know u tried and enjoyed it. Great page and very deep thoughts have been put into it
date: 5:49 am - Thursday,January 9, 2003
entry 16
name: Logan
message:
Well, interesting article if I say so myself. Although many people would say what a miserable year they had (i.e. me) this article does reach out and make the common man (or woman) think. Actually its more or less the common teenager. Ah young adolescences, what a mystery the future of inspirations and imaginations hold for them to adventure out and either accept or toss away what is given to them. For only they can determine what they want to be and whether or not they want to stick around. Final note, whether in doubt just smile and be happy. (I have no idea why I just said that)
date: 6:54 am - Thursday,January 9, 2003
entry 19
name: Howard Hsieh
message:
Hi Gillane, this is a stunning site, i like it very much. seriously, compare to all other ppl' s blogs or any relevant personal sites, i find your site is the most interesting and richest in content. friends, lets face it, although we are 17, some 18, some 19, and we are suppose to be in university now (not many countries have yr 13). BUT how many of us can write articles like gillane? how many of us are just too content and satisfy about life hence forgot to question ourselves the most important question: "has my life been contentful so far?" in the Genesis, God offers us his shape to contain our souls, and He also gives us the authority to govern the world for Him. BUT how many of us dare to say that i have been managing my life pretty well so far? i dare not! i have been wasting my life, i have been corrupted, but thats not the point. the point is, how long will it take you to realise that you are too, wasting you life? if you took a whole life, and still dont realise that you have wasted some times during your life even after you are died, then i would call you a failure! however, EVEN IF you realised JUST 1 second before your last breathe that you have wasted some times during the year, my friend, you are saved from the hell! wasting life is not a sin, i meant, everyone will be lazy sometimes. what is sin, however, is that you know you are wasting your life, and yet you keep on wasting it. friends, lets stand up, be PROUD that we are human, that we are well-lived, that we survived almost 2 decades. be proud of yourselves, and be confident of yourselves. lets behave like a pre-adult should, lets take up some social responsibilities. although i admit that we only have limited abilities to make the world better. but doing something is always better than doing nothing. the world is ours, the future depends on us, do you start to realise how IMPORTANT we ARE? those old politicians, bad guys, scientists or prostitutes gonna die pretty soon, possibly in another couple of decades. are we ready to take over their responsibilities and make the world better? personally, im not ready, but at least im trying. THE WORLD IS OURS, THE ROAD DEPENDS ON US! ps( keep it up gilly!) ps2( this message is not pointed to anyone in particular, however, i understand my diction might have been a little bit harsh. therefore, i humbly apologies to you if you think my opinions have offended you. i am sorry!)
date: 1:03 pm - Thursday,January 9, 2003
entry 21
name: Kat
message:
:) I think you have a pretty graphic. What is it? It looks something like the tendrils which might be on our Venus flytrap, if it weren't for the fact that she doesn't actually have tendrils, only large hatches that close when activated twice by insects and take awfully long to open up again. I shall stop myself from entering into any more shallow small talk. The words you've said are interesting; and for those who had Mr Coombe in fourth form it's a whole lot of base PPK from one perspective. I'm not saying it's not good, because it's a nice message to pass forward, but technique-wise sometimes it can be better to let the reader take examples for themselves to reflect on. Thoughtful and provocative examples, perhaps, rather than evidence supporting - ? An interesting teacher of mine once gave me an interesting piece to chew on - "Wasted and Useful Lives" Picture One - An unshaven man on a deserted island, smiling with eyes closed, wearing only shorts lying on sand, near a beer bottle and under a palm tree. He does what he likes and is happy. Picture Two - A middle-aged man with glasses, coat and bowtie, unsmiling and concentrating hard on a piece of paper. A clock shows it is three in the afternoon. He has made his contribution to society. What do you think? [refer to title of pictures]
date: 7:13 pm - Thursday,January 9, 2003
entry 23
name: Cheryl
message:
Hello Gilainne! Kat > what *were* the titles of those pictures? But you're right to ask. Which life is less wasted, a happy life, or a life that has made its contribution to society? ... : ). Just my one-and-four-fifths cents.
date: 1:21 am - Friday,January 10, 2003
entry 24
name:Steven
message:
Hi hi. These are very interesting thoughts... Good for you. How you think of life is a bit different from what I thought. I don't think life is a journey. There's no "never-ending school". Life is only about change. And it's not always a good change. What you choose to do about the changes life throws at you is your problem. As you said in your writing, I was very suddenly struck by something which resulted in me being unable to feel my legs and to walk. A lot of people said I was brave and has a very healthy attitute despite what happened. But, the truth is that I'm not! This is what I need to do if I want to recover, and recover soon. There has to be no doubts to slow my rehab. Plus, I have you and my other friends. friendship is very important. Couldn't have gone through this without all my friends. Thank you!! Bye for now... Keep up the good work. ps. Kat> very interesting thought... not many people realise this. what is a wasted life and what is a useful life indeed!! Howard> It's good that you think this way, but we also have to be careful that we don't think too much of ourselves!! pps. just a random thought... what if you aim for something beyound heaven!! Just because you can't see or sense something, it doesn't mean it's not there!! =) ppps. I'm just a Silly Cat, if you think what I'd said was misguided or wrong. You might be right... Come up with an argument and we'll talk about it. Like I said, what you do with the changes life throws at you is your problem...
date: 4:22 am - Friday,January 10, 2003
entry 26
name: Juju
message:
A life's being wasted or not is pretty subjective, a businessman who fails with his responsibilities with money and dies a poor man might say that his life was wasted, yet an artist who lives randomly, living off the sheer joy of simply living, not thinking about whether he can afford that wicked-looking car or something, he could die penniless, yet happy, and perhaps this conversation might occur as the two meet before the gates of heaven. (B)usinessman: "Damn this! I studied hard and earned my business degree, then gave everything up just for the chance to become rich, and I died a fucking beggar!" (A)rtist: "Well... sure, I didn't excel, yet I was smart enough to get by, and every day I drew for not just myself but other people too, and I'd be rejected almost everyday. I didn't have much money when I died too, so hey, cheer up!" B: "You're crazy! You failed like I did and you say, 'cheer up'?!" A: "Crazy, sure, countless people like you have called me that, but no, I was just happy." Life on the edge! Challenge the world and go against the flow, yet being brave or innovative is different from being stupid. Go random living :P
date: 7:40 am - Friday,January 10, 2003
entry 28
name: auntie chiqui
message:
Being happy with what you are, content with what you have, productive and creative with what you do ... or to make a little difference so this world would a better place to live in... to make one other person smile ... to live a moment appreciating the dawn or the sunset... simple things that make your life fully worth living... I'm sure you'll reach the stars, gilainne... you have what it takes...how high they will be... and how happy you will be attaining them? it's all up to you... love you always and keep this great site! life is good ... enjoy it!
date: 12:50 am - Friday,January 10, 2003
..different views, different opinions, different values....these are the things that make us just that little bit more unique. i appreciate what you've all shared with me, and I'm sure that it will not only benefit me, but benefit others too...
entry 11
name: may
message:
What is the point of life as someone (u know who u are) had asked me once. I would say Life is what u make of it and that is the point of life. To know that u lived once and to let ppl know u tried and enjoyed it. Great page and very deep thoughts have been put into it
date: 5:49 am - Thursday,January 9, 2003
entry 16
name: Logan
message:
Well, interesting article if I say so myself. Although many people would say what a miserable year they had (i.e. me) this article does reach out and make the common man (or woman) think. Actually its more or less the common teenager. Ah young adolescences, what a mystery the future of inspirations and imaginations hold for them to adventure out and either accept or toss away what is given to them. For only they can determine what they want to be and whether or not they want to stick around. Final note, whether in doubt just smile and be happy. (I have no idea why I just said that)
date: 6:54 am - Thursday,January 9, 2003
entry 19
name: Howard Hsieh
message:
Hi Gillane, this is a stunning site, i like it very much. seriously, compare to all other ppl' s blogs or any relevant personal sites, i find your site is the most interesting and richest in content. friends, lets face it, although we are 17, some 18, some 19, and we are suppose to be in university now (not many countries have yr 13). BUT how many of us can write articles like gillane? how many of us are just too content and satisfy about life hence forgot to question ourselves the most important question: "has my life been contentful so far?" in the Genesis, God offers us his shape to contain our souls, and He also gives us the authority to govern the world for Him. BUT how many of us dare to say that i have been managing my life pretty well so far? i dare not! i have been wasting my life, i have been corrupted, but thats not the point. the point is, how long will it take you to realise that you are too, wasting you life? if you took a whole life, and still dont realise that you have wasted some times during your life even after you are died, then i would call you a failure! however, EVEN IF you realised JUST 1 second before your last breathe that you have wasted some times during the year, my friend, you are saved from the hell! wasting life is not a sin, i meant, everyone will be lazy sometimes. what is sin, however, is that you know you are wasting your life, and yet you keep on wasting it. friends, lets stand up, be PROUD that we are human, that we are well-lived, that we survived almost 2 decades. be proud of yourselves, and be confident of yourselves. lets behave like a pre-adult should, lets take up some social responsibilities. although i admit that we only have limited abilities to make the world better. but doing something is always better than doing nothing. the world is ours, the future depends on us, do you start to realise how IMPORTANT we ARE? those old politicians, bad guys, scientists or prostitutes gonna die pretty soon, possibly in another couple of decades. are we ready to take over their responsibilities and make the world better? personally, im not ready, but at least im trying. THE WORLD IS OURS, THE ROAD DEPENDS ON US! ps( keep it up gilly!) ps2( this message is not pointed to anyone in particular, however, i understand my diction might have been a little bit harsh. therefore, i humbly apologies to you if you think my opinions have offended you. i am sorry!)
date: 1:03 pm - Thursday,January 9, 2003
entry 21
name: Kat
message:
:) I think you have a pretty graphic. What is it? It looks something like the tendrils which might be on our Venus flytrap, if it weren't for the fact that she doesn't actually have tendrils, only large hatches that close when activated twice by insects and take awfully long to open up again. I shall stop myself from entering into any more shallow small talk. The words you've said are interesting; and for those who had Mr Coombe in fourth form it's a whole lot of base PPK from one perspective. I'm not saying it's not good, because it's a nice message to pass forward, but technique-wise sometimes it can be better to let the reader take examples for themselves to reflect on. Thoughtful and provocative examples, perhaps, rather than evidence supporting - ? An interesting teacher of mine once gave me an interesting piece to chew on - "Wasted and Useful Lives" Picture One - An unshaven man on a deserted island, smiling with eyes closed, wearing only shorts lying on sand, near a beer bottle and under a palm tree. He does what he likes and is happy. Picture Two - A middle-aged man with glasses, coat and bowtie, unsmiling and concentrating hard on a piece of paper. A clock shows it is three in the afternoon. He has made his contribution to society. What do you think? [refer to title of pictures]
date: 7:13 pm - Thursday,January 9, 2003
entry 23
name: Cheryl
message:
Hello Gilainne! Kat > what *were* the titles of those pictures? But you're right to ask. Which life is less wasted, a happy life, or a life that has made its contribution to society? ... : ). Just my one-and-four-fifths cents.
date: 1:21 am - Friday,January 10, 2003
entry 24
name:Steven
message:
Hi hi. These are very interesting thoughts... Good for you. How you think of life is a bit different from what I thought. I don't think life is a journey. There's no "never-ending school". Life is only about change. And it's not always a good change. What you choose to do about the changes life throws at you is your problem. As you said in your writing, I was very suddenly struck by something which resulted in me being unable to feel my legs and to walk. A lot of people said I was brave and has a very healthy attitute despite what happened. But, the truth is that I'm not! This is what I need to do if I want to recover, and recover soon. There has to be no doubts to slow my rehab. Plus, I have you and my other friends. friendship is very important. Couldn't have gone through this without all my friends. Thank you!! Bye for now... Keep up the good work. ps. Kat> very interesting thought... not many people realise this. what is a wasted life and what is a useful life indeed!! Howard> It's good that you think this way, but we also have to be careful that we don't think too much of ourselves!! pps. just a random thought... what if you aim for something beyound heaven!! Just because you can't see or sense something, it doesn't mean it's not there!! =) ppps. I'm just a Silly Cat, if you think what I'd said was misguided or wrong. You might be right... Come up with an argument and we'll talk about it. Like I said, what you do with the changes life throws at you is your problem...
date: 4:22 am - Friday,January 10, 2003
entry 26
name: Juju
message:
A life's being wasted or not is pretty subjective, a businessman who fails with his responsibilities with money and dies a poor man might say that his life was wasted, yet an artist who lives randomly, living off the sheer joy of simply living, not thinking about whether he can afford that wicked-looking car or something, he could die penniless, yet happy, and perhaps this conversation might occur as the two meet before the gates of heaven. (B)usinessman: "Damn this! I studied hard and earned my business degree, then gave everything up just for the chance to become rich, and I died a fucking beggar!" (A)rtist: "Well... sure, I didn't excel, yet I was smart enough to get by, and every day I drew for not just myself but other people too, and I'd be rejected almost everyday. I didn't have much money when I died too, so hey, cheer up!" B: "You're crazy! You failed like I did and you say, 'cheer up'?!" A: "Crazy, sure, countless people like you have called me that, but no, I was just happy." Life on the edge! Challenge the world and go against the flow, yet being brave or innovative is different from being stupid. Go random living :P
date: 7:40 am - Friday,January 10, 2003
entry 28
name: auntie chiqui
message:
Being happy with what you are, content with what you have, productive and creative with what you do ... or to make a little difference so this world would a better place to live in... to make one other person smile ... to live a moment appreciating the dawn or the sunset... simple things that make your life fully worth living... I'm sure you'll reach the stars, gilainne... you have what it takes...how high they will be... and how happy you will be attaining them? it's all up to you... love you always and keep this great site! life is good ... enjoy it!
date: 12:50 am - Friday,January 10, 2003
Saturday, January 04, 2003
Reflection and Resolutions
Another year has come and gone, and now, at the beginning of yet another year, this is most certainly one of those times for reflection and resolutions.
Bluntly speaking, almost all of us take life for granted and do not see it as a learning experience. Although i do admit that life is certainly easier and not to say more fun for teenagers, the fact that we do not yet have to deal with the problems and responsibilities of an adult does not mean that life is just one big party. Sorry to pop your bubble, but our journey through life is just another form of eduction. In fact, it is the longest education system as each year is symbolic for yet another level. Because life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at us, we just never stop learning.
So, what did you learn in 2002? What did your experiences make you realise? Did you gain any new wisdom(s) or hopes and dreams for the new year? A friend asked me this question not too long ago, and these questions really made me think. I realised that I learned that life is never as simple as you want it to be. You just have to learn how to deal with it. Being a simple person myself, I often dread the complications of life. However, I realised that you simply cannot escape these things...that's just the way life is. Every single person you meet and know, every event and experience you go through and the actions and words of the people around you will somehow influence you one way or another.
Another thing I realised is that you cannot take life for granted. Time is gold, but how often do we really take this to heart? I have a friend who was very suddenly struck by something which resulted in him being unable to feel his legs and to walk. The doctors have no idea about the cause of this, or how long it will take for my friend to recover. Imagine what it is like for a young boy of eighteen years to be hit with something like this! I could tell you straight away that if I was in the same situation, I would sink into depression. But, on the contrary, my friend is still full of zest for life, always optimistic and never losing hope. Things like this can happen to anyone, anywhere. The fact that it happened to one of my friends just hit closer to home. Hence, you need to make every action count, and everything you do worthwhile. My friend's attitude to his situation also taught me that when you are down, you need to pick yourself up and always look at the bright side of life. A sunny disposition can change your situation more than you can know.
If life is a never-ending school and every experience is a stepping stone, then every resolution must be something that will improve yourself to help you overcome obstacles and attain your goals. Set your priorities straight and ask yourself what you really want to achieve. Resolutions are not just some traditional nilly-dilly we do every year...It's something that should be significant to you. Make your resolutions carefully, then set steps for yourself so that you can achieve them.
Life is a journey. Make every step of the way count. Then, by graduation day, you'd be able to be proud of yourself. A friend once told me "Aim for the heavens because even if you fail, you'll land among the stars". I challenge you to reach out as far as you can and grab one of those stars.
Another year has come and gone, and now, at the beginning of yet another year, this is most certainly one of those times for reflection and resolutions.
Bluntly speaking, almost all of us take life for granted and do not see it as a learning experience. Although i do admit that life is certainly easier and not to say more fun for teenagers, the fact that we do not yet have to deal with the problems and responsibilities of an adult does not mean that life is just one big party. Sorry to pop your bubble, but our journey through life is just another form of eduction. In fact, it is the longest education system as each year is symbolic for yet another level. Because life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at us, we just never stop learning.
So, what did you learn in 2002? What did your experiences make you realise? Did you gain any new wisdom(s) or hopes and dreams for the new year? A friend asked me this question not too long ago, and these questions really made me think. I realised that I learned that life is never as simple as you want it to be. You just have to learn how to deal with it. Being a simple person myself, I often dread the complications of life. However, I realised that you simply cannot escape these things...that's just the way life is. Every single person you meet and know, every event and experience you go through and the actions and words of the people around you will somehow influence you one way or another.
Another thing I realised is that you cannot take life for granted. Time is gold, but how often do we really take this to heart? I have a friend who was very suddenly struck by something which resulted in him being unable to feel his legs and to walk. The doctors have no idea about the cause of this, or how long it will take for my friend to recover. Imagine what it is like for a young boy of eighteen years to be hit with something like this! I could tell you straight away that if I was in the same situation, I would sink into depression. But, on the contrary, my friend is still full of zest for life, always optimistic and never losing hope. Things like this can happen to anyone, anywhere. The fact that it happened to one of my friends just hit closer to home. Hence, you need to make every action count, and everything you do worthwhile. My friend's attitude to his situation also taught me that when you are down, you need to pick yourself up and always look at the bright side of life. A sunny disposition can change your situation more than you can know.
If life is a never-ending school and every experience is a stepping stone, then every resolution must be something that will improve yourself to help you overcome obstacles and attain your goals. Set your priorities straight and ask yourself what you really want to achieve. Resolutions are not just some traditional nilly-dilly we do every year...It's something that should be significant to you. Make your resolutions carefully, then set steps for yourself so that you can achieve them.
Life is a journey. Make every step of the way count. Then, by graduation day, you'd be able to be proud of yourself. A friend once told me "Aim for the heavens because even if you fail, you'll land among the stars". I challenge you to reach out as far as you can and grab one of those stars.